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Stanford Essay: What matters to you, and why? Wanna be done today so let me know :)


sailorb111 3 / 9  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
I feel like it's missing something/doesn't have enough closure so you can be harsh! i really want to get in!

Every summer I go up to my lake house in Wisconsin, spending the time reconnecting with friends, swimming, and sailing. Sailing has been an active part of my family's lives for as long as I can remember. I'm a sailor, my mother's a sailor, all of my uncles are sailors, and my grandpa's a sailor. You could say sailing was in my blood from the minute I was born. As I grew older, my appreciation and admiration for this sport, and pastime, grew as well. Sailing is a part of me, and always will be. It has taken me places I would never think of experiencing and to people I now call family; I have learned a vast amount about the sailing community as a whole due to this. As the years have passed, I have sailed with multiple partners, but in recent years I have sailed with mainly one partner. Through the numerous sailing events, we grew closer and closer together and became an incredible team and I now consider her to be one of my closest friends. One competition pulled us all the way out to New Jersey. This was completely new to us; we were going halfway across the U.S. to a 420 (the boat we sail) clinic where any teenage girl in the nation was welcome. I met girls from Florida to California and everyone seemed to have their own spin on our one common link: sailing. This competition was truly memorable. We sailed brand new boats we assembled ourselves, catching glimpses of Sea Nettle as we navigated the salty, rolling waters of the east coast. Listening to sailing coaches from Dartmouth to Stanford opened my eyes to fact that sailing is a universal sport; I can take it with me wherever I wander. Many of the friendships created on this trip I plan to keep forever. Sailing has given me so many incredible opportunities that created everlasting memories in my life so far, and my life has only just begun. When I'm on a sailboat, catching the wind and pulling the ropes, I get a sense of belonging and pure happiness. Nothing can replace the way I feel when I'm sailing.
charlie422 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
I think its pretty good, and the last few sentences actually give good closure. You may want to think about cutting out some of the details about the trip and go into more detail about why it gives you a sense of belonging and happiness, or say more about what it has done for you friendship wise. The competition just doesn't really do much in describing why sailing matters to you, so you might want to keep that in there instead and just go into more detail as to why that trip describes why sailing matters to you. Well written though!
teoth5 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2011   #3
1. The topic of sailing is quite unique, but to me the essay reads as a bit dry. Sentences such as "Sailing is a part of me, and always will be" or " Sailing has given me so many incredible opportunities that created everlasting memories in my life so far, and my life has only just begun" seem repetitive and a bit cliché.

2. The part about the competition needs more action or something to make it more interesting.
3. Mentioning Dartmouth in a Stanford essay might be a bad idea, but that's up to you.

Overall this essay will make you stand out from the crowd, but you need to better explain WHY you are so passionate about sailing like you do in your concluding sentences.

P.S. It would be great if you could comment on my Common App short answer :)


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