Here are two of my supplement essays for stanford! Let me know what you think of them! Mainly I just need to work on cutting out parts because they are both too long but I don't know what I could cut out. Tell me which parts you think are unnecessary. Thank you!!
1) Stanford Students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to you in you intellectual development:
Ever since I can remember, I have had a fascination for what exists beyond our Solar System, and what really is out there in space. I often lay in bed, pondering the vastness of the Universe, and the possibility of intelligent life somewhere out there. This is why I was immediately intrigued when I first heard the theory of parallel universes on an episode of The Universe. It is a phenomenal and complex theory, and I immediately began researching more about it. This radical theory was first suggested by Hugh Everett in 1957: there are an infinite number of universes identical to ours, but every possible reaction to any event or decision will happen somewhere. Hypothetically, if there is an infinite number of our universe, there is infinite replicas of our Solar System, of earth, and of every individual. This absolutely blew my mind. If this is true, there are billions of me's out there leading nearly uniform lives to my own. I continued researching, and learned that modern physicists of the 21st century have mathematically proven their likelihood. I pored over writings of Michio Kaku, one of the leading physicists in the world, immersing myself in abstract metaphysics and quantum mechanics. It was a challenge to wrap my mind around both the very small and the very large, and broadened my intellect significantly. There are three different theories of parallel universes. Level 1 is the most basic: the idea that space is limitless, and in it there are an infinite number of universes. It is highly probably that there are exact duplicates of our universe out there. Level 2 is the idea that universes float through space like giant bubbles, which can collide and produce more universes. Level 3 states that every event can unfold in every possible way in different universes. Level 4 is the idea that multiple universes occupy the same space and time as our own, but are invisible because they are in different dimensions. This leads to the perplexing "m-theory", or superstring theory, which states that the Universe consists of eleven different dimensions. Through all my research and puzzling over the extraordinary and difficult theory of parallel universes, I have stretched my brain to limits I never thought it could reach. I still ponder the theory, but it is now comprehendible in my intellectual maturity. I can easily grasp complicated ideas and concepts, due to my developed intellect. (500 characters over)
2) Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to a future roommate that reveals something about you and that will help your roommate and us know you better.
Dear Future Roomie,
First off, let me congratulate you for making it into Stanford too! I'm so excited to meet you and start this new chapter in life with you! Here's a bit about me in a nutshell. I may seem shy at first, but when I open up I apologize if I can't keep quiet. I love to learn, explore, and involve myself wherever I can. I have so many passions and interests that time is always too short for. You can call me a nerd, because I genuinely love to explore and engage myself in books, to learn about the world around me. I plan to travel the entire world and learn as much as I can about anything and everything. You can call me a jock, as I run cross country, track, and do swim team. Expect to see me at football games and basketball games, cheering my head off for the Cardinals. You can call me a girly-girl, because I love shopping, laughing, chic-flicks, and feeling like a princess when I dress up. However I believe what best describes me is a solid friend. I treasure my friends like nothing else, and will drop anything to be there for them. My friends describe me as loyal, compassionate, and dependable. I am a great listener and advice-giver, and I'm always here with hugs, encouragement, and batch of dark chocolate brownies to cheer you up. My favorite way to spend the weekends is with my friends, whether we are trying the bakery that just opened down the street, going on a long and scenic hike, volunteering at the local food bank, or watching disney movies to unwind. I love to talk, and can spend hours chatting or debating about anything from a new scientific discovery to the new Taylor Swift album. I love challenges and taking risks, and will read you my five page bucket list if you so desire.
Some words of warning: I can be a bit OCD when it comes to cleanliness, and I am a bit of a grump in the mornings, so bear with me. I also apologize in advance if I keep you up late or distract you by talking too much. However I am slow to anger and quick to compromise, so don't worry about a quarrelsome or unreasonable roommate! I am so excited to meet you and learn about you, and I hope we will become not just roommates, but best friends, and we can together take advantage of every opportunity we are blessed with at Stanford University.
See you soon!
Heidi Collins
Essay 1 - A little bit too much information and not enough about you? I think you should put more about yourself and how learning about these things affected you, not so much about the actual information itself. Stanford is going to get a lot of essays on that sort of information, they want to know what you as an individual did or learned or changed because of it.
Essay 2 - Very good. A lot of personal information and all put together quite nicely.
Not really any grammatical or spelling errors, and all in all nicely done! I hope you get in!
P.S. XC, our sport is your sport's punishment! ;)
