Here's my essay to the Stanford roommate prompt. It goes to 2050 characters with spaces which is over the 1800 limit so if you could find some things to cut out please do. I wanted to show my three traits of spontaneous, bettering nature, and willing to explore new ideas so please tell me if they shine through. Will read yours too so just post the link.
Everyone asks the question "Want to go eat?" but I'll ask it at least four times day, especially when it's least expected. However, please don't mistake my unpredictable probings as merely signs of an endless appetite. If anything they represent my quirky spontaneous nature. I'm someone willing to adventure anytime. I want my autobiography to be filled with chapters titled The Great Smores Cookout and The Banana Peel Calamity. If you ever offer up an idea but studies get in the way, rest assured we will someday do it.
Now, after you (hopefully) accept my invitation and we grab our selections, brace yourself for my running commentary about what's in my mouth. Everything I eat I analyze, praising the dish while simultaneously mentioning its flaws. You'll find that my complaints will often outnumber the compliments. But again, please don't mistake my criticisms as me being a food snob. My assessments reflect the constant "bettering" nature of me. I don't criticize to degrade but to offer room for improvements. I rarely settle for "just good enough" when I know that "great" is in reach. I hate the idea of wasted potential.
Lastly, once we've put our dishes way, you'll hear my voice brainstorming new ideas about the food we've just had. I'll propose topping those nachos with blue cheese and explain why I think everything could use some soy sauce. No, I'm not a mad scientist, just someone with a penchant for exploring new ideas; food acts as a wonderful medium for my experiments. I know almost all about it and there runs very little risk of it imploding in my face.
With me, eating will become our own little adventure, filed under the chapter appropriately named Roommates: No Reservations.
Although I like the intro, since you're in need of space, maybe you could cut out the whole "why" thing? Also you could cut "If you ever offer up an idea but my studies get in the way, rest assured we will someday do it."
I want to make processes more efficient, things better tasting, and children even happier.
This sentence is kind of weird, especially the children part.
Overall it's a good essay! Good luck.
This is a nice essay because your introduction will catch people's attention with the question "Want to go eat?" And that's the theme you chose to stick with through the rest of your essay. A reader can easily get a picture of who you are from reading this.
One thing to work on is your word count: Stanford recommends less than 250 words this year, so try to keep it under that limit.
this is definitely an unique idea, and i think it is pretty well written. maybe adjust it a bit so the transitions are smoother, but overall, great essay!
intellection
intellectual
It might be good to add an intro sentence before this first sentence of the essay. For example...
Trying to plan an approach for introducing myself to you, I had the idea to tell you about something that is "my favorite." I could tell you that my favorite question is "Why?" and then elaborate...
...signs of an endless appetite.---hahah very cool...
Brilliant, you seem to have had real inspiration for this. Some writing is more eloquent than other writing, but eloquence is not even as important as this energy of inspiration. This is some good stuff, worth reading...
...brace yourself for my running commentary about what's in my mouth. ---how weirdly cool! I hope the AO reader has a sense of humor.
Sorry for not having come back in so long. School is crazy. So I just finalized this one and it all fits in the word count. I would love some last minute feedback on it since I'll be applying early to Stanford.
The Great Smores Cookout and The Banana Peel Calamity.
This is very good.
I remember really liking this essay when I first read it.
How about mentioning your career intentions at least once?! Actually, once will be enough. Don't make it a central focus, but mention what you plan to do with your education.
If you ever offer up an idea but studies get in the way, rest assured we will someday do it.--- this sentence may be written in a slightly boring way.
Anyway, this is great! It is already great, so don't worry about it.
:-)
I'm looking at my post and realized that I typed it in wrong. My bad. Here's how it was supposed to look like.
READ ABOVE
Hopefully your compliment still applies. The problem I have though is that when I showed this to my counselor, she found it to be too "impulsive and OCD-ish." She feared that I came off a little too strong and made it seem like I would never let my roommate speak. Any thoughts on this?
