Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 9

Stanford roomate essay...vampire


maddigirl 4 / 19 2  
Dec 29, 2013   #1
Dear Roommate,

I'm just gonna come out with it: I'm a vampire. I don't like secrets--and it's not as if my sun-reflecting skin, Transylvanian heritage, and razor sharp canines wouldn't betray me anyhow. Now, being a vampire has its fair-share of disadvantages, but the ability to stay up all night is not one of them. In the wee hours of the night, when I'm not out hunting large-game in the Washingtonian backwoods with Robert Pattinson, I can frequently be spotted doing any of the following:

1. studying like a madwoman
2. running (in the dark nobody sees my dorky running gear)
3. dancing with my mother (also a vampire) to 90's throwback jams such as It Wasn't Me by Shaggy or Killing Me Softly by The Fugees

4. watching the news in french to improve my listening skills
5. painting that impressionist painting that I've been working on for three years
6. finishing a book (when I start a book, I finish it. That said, Pillars of the Earth was a long night)
7. reading the latest developments in Syria
8. pulling up to the drive through window of Taco Bell on a bike during a midnight potato soft taco run
9. reading fun facts about our presidents. Did you know teddy bears are named after Teddy Roosevelt, who refused to shoot a cub in the woods?

So if I ever keep you up, I apologize in advance. But on the bright-side...

11. You won't be doing the cleaning. I will. At 4 am.

Is this too weird? I feel like this essay is informal and I don't need to spend too much time worrying about it...Thanks!

thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 29, 2013   #2
I absolutely love your approach and your playful tone. It's a great essay!
Just some minor revisions:

I don't like secrets--and it's not as if my sun-reflecting skin, Transylvanian heritage, and razor sharp canines wouldn't betray me anyhow. --- I don't like secrets, and anyways it's not as if my sun-reflecting skin, Transylvanian heritage, and razor sharp canines wouldn't eventually betray me.

2. running (in the dark nobody sees my dorky running gear) ----- 2. running (nobody sees my dorky running gear in the dark )

7. reading the latest developments in Syria - ---7. reading up on the latest developments in Syria

11. You won't be doing the cleaning. I will. At 4 am. ----- why is the 'Y' in 'You' in capitals? The first words of all the other points start with a small letter.

Other than that, I feel it's ready for submission.
Good luck!
cocamb 4 / 15 1  
Dec 29, 2013   #3
This is honestly one of the cutest essays I've ever read! And I mean that in the best way possible!
It really conveys a sense of who you are, I especially liked the running gear part and the dancing
with your mom :) Sometimes the answers seem a little forced, such as #7 & #4 so if there's anyway
you can make them match the tone of the rest of your response it would be perfect! Also maybe shorten #9?
It's kinda lengthy, if you can't shorten it then maybe a more interesting president fact?
And your ending is seriously on point, Great Job!!!
OP maddigirl 4 / 19 2  
Dec 29, 2013   #4
You're right about the letters, good catch on that one! Thanks for your help!

and to cocamb: for the president one I had taft being so fat that he had his own bathtub installed in the white house, but it was even more words. Maybe more interesting though?
cocamb 4 / 15 1  
Dec 29, 2013   #5
you were right! I think the roosevelt one is a better fit,
but I found one you might like?
Ulysses S. Grant Was fined $20 for speeding with his horse and carriage
Its short and I think it would fit perfectly for your essay! :)
OP maddigirl 4 / 19 2  
Dec 29, 2013   #6
That is so perfect! thanks so much! I'll take a look at some of your essays tonight too :)
cocamb 4 / 15 1  
Dec 29, 2013   #7
Also I just noticed you go from #9 to # 11. You skipped 10 :)
hazelhoff 4 / 17 4  
Dec 29, 2013   #8
Awesome. I would totally want you as a roommate - bet stanford will as well!
helloimyellow 9 / 25 3  
Dec 29, 2013   #9
Love this! The list-style approach can definitely be a hit or miss but the randomness of your list makes it a definite hit and really fun read. And the ending is adorable. Aside from skipping #10, this was just about flawless. One thing I might suggest would be to capitalize but it really isn't a big deal :) Best of luck!


Home / Undergraduate / Stanford roomate essay...vampire