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Stanford Essays: Roommate and What Makes Stanford a Good Place

PineappleCrush 5 / 7  
Dec 31, 2009   #1
Hi! I'm applying to Stanford, and these are the final two essays from the supplement. Both need to be 1800 characters max. If I can get feedback to make it better, I will try and help you in return if you are also stressing!

Roommate Essay (let them learn more about you)

Aloha! My name is Kalena, pronounced "Ka-leh-na", but you can call me Zim. I am elated to reach the point in life where I break free from the past seventeen years of my life and discover college. We will be spending nine out of twelve months together, so here is a mini-crash course on Kalena Zimmerman.

First, expect a stash of green tea somewhere in the room because green tea is a staple in my life. If you also like green tea, then we can share the stash! I also eat certain foods, such as popcorn, with chopsticks, so feel free to try it out too.

You should also know that I love all genres of music...except for country, but if you are a fan then I will adapt. My taste in music ranges from Handel to The Beatles to The Police to Death Cab for Cutie. I sometimes sing along, so don't be afraid to jump in on the chorus! Besides listening and singing, I can play the cello and ukulele, and I've just started learning the piano from my Music Theory class. I am currently planning a recital open to the public that will take place in May because I have a special place in my heart for music.

Finally, I will bring about some qualities about my personality. I strive to make everyone feel comfortable and included when around me; if it means holding up multiple conversations, then I will start chattering away. I also am quite versatile. Basically, I always have a back up plan; when there is no back up plan, I wing it. However, if anything comes up, I am always prepared. Lastly, I am a very dependable person. If you need a shoulder to lean on, I will always be there.

Now that you have completed the quick crash course about me, I just want to say that I cannot wait to meet you and that we'll definitely have a great four years ahead of us at Stanford University!


What makes Stanford a good place?

Twenty-five thousand feet in the air, I leaned back in my seat and looked out through the window at a splash of red and white. I was a sophomore in high school on my way to visit family when I had that bird's eye view of Stanford University. That was the closest I got to Stanford, and I did the rest of my research online. What I learned caught my full attention.

What I absolutely love about Stanford is that it really is the best of both worlds. Having a community within the college itself gives the atmosphere a small town feel, and students have an opportunity to go out into the world to learn things outside of the classroom. Stanford lets their students be educated in interdisciplinary studies rather than a concentration in one restricted area, which is something I definitely value when I choose a college.

My favorite thing about Stanford is the dynamic and diverse college community there. At Stanford, not only do students receive a top-notch education, but they also are able to have the freedom to express their other passions. At Stanford, I can be studying economics with professors like John B. Taylor before heading off to a service project for Habitat for Humanity. I see myself sitting in Muwekma-tah-ruk as an active member in the American Indian, Alaska Native, and Native Hawaiian Program, and also cheering as a proud Cardinal for the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band during The Big Game.

Stanford University is the type of place where I can find my niche as a college student in the community for the next four years. I would have the time of my life while progressing with my studies in one of the most prestigious schools in the nation. As I discover my intellectual and creative worth as a student at Stanford University, let the wind of freedom blow!

cherrilyn 2 / 8  
Dec 31, 2009   #2
The first essay was great!. But I think the second one should be more about you though; for example, what you expect the college experience to be like and how you are hoping to change when you're there.
dbsqudtlr 4 / 22  
Dec 31, 2009   #3
For the first one, how about maybe delete this line: Finally, I will bring about some qualities about my personality. and instead add some more things that are really unique about you?

I like the your ending for the second essay. I think you could improve the second one by giving some more specific examples of why Stanford is the right school for you. Hmm... I see the character limit is very limited... maybe you could shorten your introduction and replace some of the general information with specific ones that will make you stand out more.

I like your essays :)
Hope you get into Stanford.

Please review my Cornell essay when you have time :)
dbsqudtlr 4 / 22  
Dec 31, 2009   #4
Hey, I think I will submit a little later today.
Could you give me some feedback for my essay?

Thanks a lot!

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