Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.
The first time I laid eyes on it, I named Stanford University the "red house". In grade school, I had visited the university during a trip, not even knowing its name, and fallen in love with it. I will cherish every minute of the four or so years that I will be spending here, including the time I spent typing up this letter. My hands are shaking with elation and anticipation. I hope you feel the same way.
However, I don't expect that we will share all of the same interests. I understand and accept this. Furthermore, that doesn't mean that I won't attempt to change your opinion on things like pink Starbursts, the future potential of artificial neural networks, and your questioning of modern Shostakovich concertos. May our contrasting interests open our minds to new ideas and retire old ones. Even better, if your major is entirely different from mine, I will be able to glimpse another aspect of life that I haven't yet seen or experienced.
You may be interested to know that I write for a major tech blog, read by millions of people around the world, but probably not by you. I also love to code and my tech startup develops killer apps for the Google Android and iPhone software platforms. You don't own an iPhone. I see a challenge. In the near future, when you're sitting beside your iPhone-toting girlfriend, you'll hopefully be ogling over her shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of the dream app I've created, and that she and the entire campus is currently in love with.
But if you don't, we'll still be partners in crime. I'll nevertheless teach you how to master the piano, violin, harmonica, and cycle your way through the bike leg of a triathlon, in that order. After 112 miles, I'm sure you'll have something in store for me. I can't wait to share it in our "red house".
...but probably not by you. Yet. ??? I hope that was a typo... I also love to code...
I wanted to say that he would eventually read my blog - to explain the "yet" (although if it's not grammatically correct, please help change)..
It's 1805 characters now also. Slightly too much..
the paragraph is pretty solid, focused and light-hearted
the only things I'd suggest you working on is the third paragraph.. remember that terms like "Google Android" and "apps" are common knowledge to us high school students, but many of these adcoms will be lost when they read about it
other than that, awesome job
could you please take a look at my very short common app activity response :) thanks
fallenfell in love with it FurthermoreBut , that doesn't mean that andor your questioning of modern Shostakovich concertos.
but probably not by you...yet(better?)
You don't own an iPhone?
neverthelessstill (i think still sounds more natural) teach
good luck =]
And i think they would know what google and iphone is (they are pretty big names and stanford is an engineering school!)
Do you have any tips on what I could say? I could shorten Google Android to Google, but apps are pretty much apps...
Comments on the "Yet" part?
I think you could add an ellipsis to get the effect you want, but I'm not sure if that is the proper use of it. But the sentence would look like this.
You may be interested to know that I write for a major tech blog, read by millions of people around the world, but probably not by you...yet .
How does that sound? Do you think this part is needed? I was considering to include 2-3 heroes that I admired/or that I also compose and arrange soundtrack music on a symphonic scale...which would be more interesting?
"In the near future, when you're sitting beside your iPhone-toting girlfriend, you'll hopefully be ogling over her shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of the dream app I've created, and that she and the entire campus is currently in love with."
was going to include a few heroes (like the founders of tech companies. etc, what I want to do in the future)
personally i like
"In the near future, when you're sitting beside your iPhone-toting girlfriend..."
only because its a letter to a student so its okay to be a little funny and you already mentioned your future (technology; which is pretty impressive) so the heroes part would be unnecessary
can you critique mine's please?