Stanford Supplements-Guinea Pig & Thought process essays.

These are two of my stanford supplement essays. Please feel free to critique them and I will do my best to return the favor . Thanks

Please describe an event or experience that you found intellectually engaging.

Only two weeks into summer and I was at a place being avoided like a plague - school. I had simply come to visit my AP Literature teacher for some ideas concerning The Green Mile; I wasn't planning on staying long, only ten minutes. But as I sat down in Room 268 I could tell by Mr. A's character that this wouldn't be my average lecture.

Mr. A was a straight shooter, so without delay he asked, "Why do you think Edgecombe is so conflicted?" At first I was caught off guard; I had been expecting answers, not more questions. But, I composed myself, and replied "Well I think as an executioner he's conflicted by morality and duty". I figured Mr. A would either affirm or deny it. Instead, I was questioned, "Well, why do morality and duty conflict?"

This was the way the rest of my session with Mr. A went. At first I was slightly annoyed, but then I began to relish that I was being challenged. No longer was I a translator, forced to transform my notes into an essay; on the contrary, Mr. A was daring me to derive my own theories and defend them.

On that day I aroused my thought process and learned a new way to think. Rather than seeking out an answer, I began investigating the different routes and analysis which led me there. I've since applied this logic to not only literature, but also sciences, social studies, and foreign languages. With this new perspective of learning, I am certain that my mind can explore possibilities never imagined. I could conduct ground-breaking research on the transformation of undifferentiated stem cells or unearth why multiple sclerosis is more predominant in the Northwest. There is promise to any endeavor which I commit to at Stanford University, as long as I keep asking questions.

Please write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -and us- get to know you better.

You may not know this, but being the oldest child in a family is somewhat like being a guinea pig. On May 17, 1993, by whichever mystic force selects birth order I became that guinea pig. I'm always the first to try a new experience, and once complete, to offer my brothers advice. I've been the one to ease their transition into high school, a first date, and the act of shaving. I've always cherished this position in the family, but as my move-out day quickly approaches, I now look for the counsel I have so often supplied.

It's not that I'm unwilling to enter this new chapter of my life; my hands tremble just from the excitement. It's the dark abyss of the unknown which frightens me. I will begin with no network of friends; no familiar face in sight. But overtime I will have the control to choose my new support system of professors and colleagues. The biggest question mark of all though is who I will first embark on this journey with; in other words - you, my new roommate.

I'm eager for you to become a companion of mine, as I venture away from my life in Washington. We can follow my strategically devised fountain hopping course, belt out Don't Stop Believing with accompanying air guitar, and discuss our latest lecture notes. Most of all, I hope that as my partner in this voyage we can share memories, deep insight, and a love for Stanford University.

So as the first inductee to my Stanford network of friends I promise to not only be a roommate, but also a fellow fountain hopper, study partner, and ally. In turn, I hope you are willing to put up with my ramblings regarding health care, stench of chlorine, and ability to clean out the refrigerator. If so, then I know you will be the perfect roommate, and maybe being the guinea pig won't be so bad after all.

Interesting. Were there any particular reasons that prompted you to visit--did you visit your teacher out of pure interest for the Green Mile, or was it a summer assignment of some sort? Why did you not find the school as avoidable as other students?


Relish doesn't seem flow very well in this context for some reason, but it may just be me


This conclusion is good in that it expresses your dreams and goals very clearly. However, I would try to provide some examples that support your initiatives so it won't come off as slightly empty-handed.


Perhaps you can reword that to something about the thinking process you mentioned earlier.


by whichever mystic selects birth order,

I love your second essay. I think that you have expressed your personal qualities very well by using your family as a leading thought.
On a second note, I think that you should elaborate on how your thinking sets you apart from--say, your classmates, and how this is used to your advantage and then link it to the conclusion where you want to conduct groundbreaking research.

Overall, your essay was very well written and I found it hard to point out any errors. Good luck with Stanford :)

P.S If you have time, would you commenting on my essay :)

Thanks I appreciate the advice! I'll work on revising it

I feel that your second essay as a whole is pretty good. My only slight criticism would be the intro to the essay. I feel that you spend a lot of time working with the guinea pig analogy and then you leave it in the dust until the last sentence of your essay. I would either develop that a little more in the rest of the essay or put more of an emphasis on the ways your would like to bond with your roommate.

Hope that helps!

Have fun with Stanford!

I would, but all of my criticisms are covered by CopperDays/ Carol Wong. I agree with everythign she has said.

I also agree. I think rewording it would be better:
"At first I was slightly annoyed, but I began to enjoy the challenge."


I find that this conclusion is a little lacking in that you so suddenly introduce these specific research topics. I think you should try to add a sentence explaining why you chose these specific topics.

I see that you've also revised you're conclusion:
"On that day I learned a new way to think. Rather than seeking out an answer, I began investigating the many corridors and staircases infiltrating my mind. As a result, I unearthed small fossils of knowledge overlooked by my peers. After much thought I began to grasp that these overlooked clues can guide me to infinite discoveries. With this gift, I will to enter the laboratories of Stanford University on the mission to make great strides in stem cell research by examining the voyage from undifferentiated cell to specialized cell. During this inspection I'll be on the hunt for trace amounts of new data. Someday I will reveal the answer to this mystery, as long as I endlessly scour the passages of my brain, and always, always ask questions."

In my opinion, I like the original better. You just have to improve the transition into the research topics. This conclusion makes it sound like you are kind of straining to deliver your message. For example, I'm not sure what you are saying by "investigating the many corridors and staircases infiltrating my mind" and "fossils of knowledge overlooked by my peers."


I totally agree! :) I sometimes hate it too - how all my brothers reap the benefits from me.