I am applying Early Action, and my responses are due tomorrow, 11:59 PM...Help me, and I will do my best to return the favor...Thank you!
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Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging. My heart anxiously pounded as I neared the grey door. What lay three steps ahead was nothing like the diagrams I had casually skimmed through in my Physiology class. The necropsy would enliven the flat pages into a tangible surprise. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes. The door clicked open.
The pungent scent of blood overwhelmed me. Struck by shock, I whipped my head forward. Before me, the cow's skin hung flaccid from above. Around it, scientists probed bits of viscera to determine the unknown, mortal illness. The creature's massive stomach, ravaged by an aggressive pus infection, was propped on frontal display.
To my surprise, I was otherwise...fascinated. Before me was not anatomy, but a masterpiece of nature. The limp skin became a canvas, illustriously painted by brushstrokes of crimson blood as they dripped in thin streams. My curiosity pressed on to examine the gossamer webwork of red and blue vessels that still emanated lifelike vibrancy. But underneath, an esoteric story of the cow's life lingered with the corpse, a story of pain as the body was torn by malignant disease. Amidst the spectacle, the dull, lifeless eyes begged not to be forgotten as a living being of the past. In front of me was a complete picture of life enlivened by my curiosity.
Walking out of the room, I came out with a profound appreciation for all things hidden to the naked eye. Perhaps the intricacy engrossed me the most; seeing what organs lay underneath the familiar blankness of skin transfixed me. The cadaver was both a pure specimen of science and an icon of art. Although some withdraw from a dissection's atrocity, I marvel at its inherent beauty. Pursuing a future in medicine, my fingertips wait to wield the scalpel, and incise into the underlying mysteries of the body.
Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus . Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. Oftentimes, we find ourselves saying that "the eyes are the window to the soul." I disagree. Blessed with my family's hereditary genes for poor eyesight, my world would be a blur if it were not for my ability to listen to the mellifluent music of my world.
Quite simply, you can say that my soul rests in my ears. Get to know me, and you will find that in place of diaries and photographs, my memories reside in all I have listened to, Time and again, my ears have savored the passionate ballads of John Legend accompanied the rhythmic pat-pat of the October raindrops outside. They have heard one too many squeals from my hungry guinea pig, five notes from a funk groove on my Yamaha bass, and the frenetic chime as my spoon stirs steaming green tea in a mug. I laugh at the unmistakable voice of Charlie Brown, cry when I am called "midget," and nod in wonder while discussing Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel in my Theory of Knowledge class at school.
I cannot yet boast that I have an experienced ear, though, for seventeen years of memories are not enough. I have yet to hear the impassioned screams of Stanford Cardinals at my first football game, hushed whispers during our midnight escapades to the library, and the fascinating lectures on biochemical evolution. Stepping foot onto the center of campus, I yearn to surround myself the daily ring of bicycle bells accompanying the hum of many diverse languages within the student community. But among that crowd, I desire to listen to your own voice. Approach me, beckon me, tell me about your stories, your aspirations, and our friendship may strike a harmonious tune of its own. Together, we have four years of opportunity ahead of us. And until we shake hands tomorrow, I await the chance to hear your name.
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Prompt: Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.
Having outgrown the Granite Bay bubble, I am now ready to start afresh. With naught but my knowledge and aspirations as my compass, Stanford University would indeed be "the wind of freedom" that guides me through the expansive seas of the unknown.
Unfettered from tradition, Stanford's independent spirit stands as a beacon for all possibility. As a pioneer of science, Stanford's roots are the essence of my journey. I desire to explore the intricacies of Biology both within the classroom and through internships in esteemed facilities as the Biofilm Research Center. However, I am equally enthusiastic about the school's interdisciplinary approach; knowing that I may continue my other passions for History and Anthropology through the double major system achieves the educational balance that I so desire. I admire the liberty to embrace both science and the unique human aspect defined in medicine.
Stanford also provides for a rich cultural experience without boundaries. Coming from a homogeneous student body, I await newfound chances to immerse myself into the ever diverse community. I am attracted to organizations as Taiko, Cultural Interaction Club, and the Korean Christian Fellowship, which would provide both a niche and surprises. At the same time, I relish the world off campus; sites as Chinatown and Russian Hill foster my motivation to even travel abroad someday.
But most of all, Stanford idealizes the harmonious balance of intellect and camaraderie. Stepping onto the campus during a "Discover Stanford" tour, I found the collaborative atmosphere profoundly appealing. Knowing that I may challenge myself while sharing my passions with others is a dream come true. The warmth of cooperation and the familiar Califonia ambience forge a place I can truly call home.
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Also, which answer would be more appropriate for this short answer?
I wish to have witnessed the fall of the Aztec empire under Hernan Cortes. This event has been one of the first revolutionary encounters between two distinct civilizations. Also, the surprising odds at which the conquistadores succeeded shows that any moment, if not any individual, may cause change.
-OR-
I seek to witness a moment not written in the textbooks. Drafted into the Korean War at a young age, my grandfather may have lost his life amidst gunfire had he not switched positions with a comrade. The brevity of the moment cannot overshadow how profoundly my present existence may have been today
For any responses which flood in, I cannot thank you enough
Hey!
I'm totally in love with your first two essays. I've a very harsh editor and have found little that I would change.
One suggest I have is to break up this sentence:
I laugh at the unmistakable voice of Charlie Brown, cry when I am called "midget," and nod in wonder while discussing Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel in my Theory of Knowledge class at school.
I got lost in the lists, perhaps use a semicolon.
In the third essay:
- in esteemed facilities SUCH as the Biofilm Research Center
- eliminate however at the beginning of your next sentence, I believe it will make it more powerful.
- immerse myself IN the ever diverse community.
- is it camaraderie? are you sure that's how you spell it?
- the familiar CALIFORNIA ambiAnce
And I like the first short answer about Cortes :)
Now, I expect you to go to town on my essay ahahaha
I'm also applying early action to Stanford, and I posted my weakest (BY FAR) essay for critique.
The help of such an evidently skilled writer would be greatly appreciated.
Good luck with everything,
Here is an idea to make it more efficient:
Walking out of the room, I came out with a felt profound appreciation for all things hidden to the naked eye.
This should probably be revised: I admire the liberty ...---You cannot admire liberty.
to embrace both science and the unique human aspect defined in medicine----this part, too... is unnecessarily complex and unclear. If you have a lot of words in a complex sentence, it has to have some specific meaning to convey..
Stanford also provides for a rich cultural experience without boundaries. ---again, you are vague and abstract here, so the sentence does not really carry any meaning.
Taiko, Cultural Interaction Club, and the Korean Christian Fellowship, which would provide both a niche and surprises. At the same time, I relish the world off campus---these are good, specific examples.
I wish to have witnessed ...I don't think this one is written in a way that expresses an interesting theme. It seems like an arbitrary choice, and the idea of conquistadors showing that anything is possible seems like a contrived way to draw meaning from the topic.
But this one is very good!--->... my grandfather may have ...
Here's an idea that seemed really interesting, but severely lacks support.
Unfettered from tradition, Stanford's independent spirit stands as a beacon for all possibility.
Why so? I'm sure that you know of Stanford's strange acceptance pattern, explaining the uniqueness of its student body, but in what way? You mention several academic aspects of Stanford, but these are not unique at all...neither do they show an "independent spirit" nor "beacon for all possibility"
Food for thought: capture Stanford's uniqueness, and your essay would truly be special. Far more than simple eloquence.
