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Stanford Supplements- The "Teacher"; "Debater"; "Collector"; and "Worker"


katsen 2 / 6  
Dec 28, 2013   #1
Hi! I really need assistance in my Stanford supplements, especially on grammar and contents. I'd appreciate any harsh criticism! Thank you so much!!!

Supplement 1: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit.)
In ninth grade, I started tutoring seventh graders simple Algebra in my previous school's study hall. After my students thanked me, I realized that I wanted to continue tutoring for the rest of my high school years. Over the years, I have taught elementary students to high school in subjects that associated with their homework such as English and Mandarin. I taught kindergartners and first grade students vocabulary and reading skills and did one-on-one Mandarin tutoring with high school students. By tutoring students of all ages, I have broadened my understanding of various school subjects.

No matter who I taught, I love dedicating my time after school tutoring students I love teaching students what I understand. Whenever I teach younger students, I feel as if I am reviewing past academic material. I love hearing my students say "Oh, we understand now!". When they feel accomplished, I feel accomplished.

Supplement 2: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit.)
I first learned about the bill making process from a dancing document in School House Rock. I would have never expected that I would be part of the process that a document sang about until I participated in the Winter Congress of the student-run organization called Junior State of America.

Winter Congress was a convention, in which all the chapters in same region come together to present their bill ideas. Each chapter had representatives to present their bills in House and Senate hearings in which other members decide whether the bill passes or not. If the chapter's bill passed, it could be sent to Congress. I volunteered to collaborate with my chapter president to propose a bill, but before we could propose a bill, we had to form a bill idea.

My chapter president, chapter members, and I brainstormed topics issues that our bill could tackle. Common issues such as gun control and abortion popped up. However, we all agreed that we wanted to move away from typical issues. Vice president of my environmental club, I suggested to take an environmental route. My chapter president and the other chapter members consented, and we eventually decided to propose a bill on regulating electronic waste. After composing evidence of some recycling companies' disposal toxic electronic waste in developing countries such as Guinea-Bissau, we were prepared to face the committees.

After much discussions and debates, our bill failed. My chapter members and I accepted our bill's rejection and enjoyed the rest of the convention. I listened to other people's original bill ideas such as a bill to replace the national anthem with Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". In the convention, people were separated by their political affiliation. I enjoyed learning about the political ideologies of the Libertarian party and Green party. Though my chapter's bill did not pass through to Senate, what I learned from researching for the bill and listening to other chapters about their bills was worthwhile. ( I need help deleting at least 50 words.)

Supplement 3:Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 word limit.)

Konnichiwa Rumumeito-san! (That means "hello roommate" in Japanese)

Did you know that you're going to room with a four- years-old?

You read that correctly! You're going to room with a four-years-old! How is that possible you may ask? Well, it all started with two lovers who decided to immigrate from China to U.S.A. to provide their children with the American Dream. After living a few years in Oakland, California, they had their first child. To their surprise, they gave birth to their daughter on a leap year! They had hoped for a "normal" daughter, but she grew to be anything but normal.

Ever since she encountered her first manga (Japanese comic) about a magical school girl, she became an otaku, a Japanese term used to describe those who love reading manga. Her love for manga inspired her to draw cartoon animations and to learn more about the Japanese culture. After she learned how to fold paper cranes, she became interested in doing variety of arts and crafts such as reconstructing old clothes and knitting. Because she believes that anything can be crafted, she gathers recycled materials for her future creations. She once used recycled papers that she had collected from her school and home to create a colorful tree creation called the "Tree of Life" with her environmental club members. Her room is cluttered with papers, but she takes responsibility to clean up her mess afterwards.

The parents realized that their manga-loving, recyclable materials collector daughter can never be normal. Her name is Katharine, and she is excited to meet her new roommate.

I want to hear your story too!
See you soon!

Last supplement: What matters to you, and why? (250 word limit.)
I was about to turn into bed when my mom suddenly cried out my name several times. She sounded urgent, so I immediately rushed to where she was. She had both her hands on her head. I frantically asked, "Mom! What's wrong?" She turned to me and replied,"Hurry! Pluck this white hair I'm holding!"

Waking up every morning at four to tidy up the house and cleaning a whole school until ten, she nurtures me and my family while managing her custodian job. She nurtured my father when he was in the hospital for his stomach surgery while taking care of me and my brother. She saved my life from my first asthma attack. In my eyes, she is a hero. However, every hero has a weakness and hers was age.

After she transferred to a local elementary school that was a block away from my school, my mom requested me to work with her, and I agreed. On the first day, I walked over to the custodian room after tutoring my student. I met up with my mom, and we sat down on the chairs in the office. After we ate our microwaved dinners next to the control panels, my mom told me the list of tasks that I had to do. I had to vacuum all the classrooms' rugs in both building divisions, vacuum the school's entrance rugs, sweep the hallways and the cafeteria, and take out the trash. Exhausted from more than 3 hours of work, I dropped down at the seat in the custodian room. While sitting down, I saw my mom. She was mopping the hallways while moaning about the soreness of her back and arms. She later sat down after finishing her job. While she rested, I started to notice the numerous of white strands on her head.

My mom has done so much for me, so I do not mind dropping everything that I am doing to pluck her white hairs. I want to give her strength just as she did for me.

( Should I stick with this or talk about my concern over environmental issues?)

hazelhoff 4 / 17 4  
Dec 28, 2013   #2
Supplement 1 is too cliché
Supplement 2 is good
Supplement 3 makes you sound a little strange
Supplement 4 is good
darketernaly 2 / 4 2  
Dec 28, 2013   #3
In ninth grade, I started tutoring seventh graders simple Algebra in my previous school's study hall. After my students thanked me, I realized that I wanted to continue tutoring for the rest of my high school years. Over the years, I have taught elementary students to high school in subjects that associated with their homework such as English and Mandarin. I taught kindergartners and first grade students vocabulary and reading skills and did one-on-one Mandarin tutoring with high school students. By tutoring students of all ages, I have broadened my understanding of various school subjects.

No matter who I taught, I love dedicating my time after school tutoring students (semicolon or period needs to be added here otherwise it's a run on) I love teaching students what I understand. Whenever I teach younger students, I feel as if I am reviewing past academic material. I love hearing my students say "Oh, we understand now!". When theymy students feel accomplished, I feel accomplished.
SammieA 1 / 2  
Dec 28, 2013   #4
supplement 1: it's good, if you still have room for words you should elaborate more on what motivated you to help these young students
supplement 2: you can take away details about how bills are made and passed etc, but i think you should add what you took from that experience and if it motivated you to do anything etc.

supplement 3: my favorite, it captures your life and your personality and i love it!
supplement 4: i think you should stick with this idea because it captures your love for you mom, and i can tell you're being honest and genuine about it. and after 'numerous' you should add 'strands or amounts'

would love some feedback on mine as well!
Kristoria 3 / 51 1  
Dec 29, 2013   #5
Essay 1: I thought it was good. However, it felt like you conveyed it in a way that made it seem like the topic you were writing about didn't have much interest to you. As the above post said it felt a bit cliche.

Essay 2: Try to make the 2nd sentence shorter. Are these sentences necessary "I listened to other people's original bill ideas such as a bill to replace the national anthem with Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". In the convention, people were separated by their political affiliation." ?

Essay 3: I liked this essay but I'm not sure how the admissions officer is going to interpret the 4 yrs old part. I guess they don't want someone childish but I guess that's just my view on them. If you feel confident about that part you can keep it.

Essay 4: I think you should stick with this essay. It captures something personal and I get a genuine vibe from this essay.

Could you also look at my Stanford essays?
OP katsen 2 / 6  
Dec 29, 2013   #6
Thank you for the comments! Would you suggest that I should replace the first supplement with this then?
My friend and I were concerned about all the litter surrounding our school grounds and how casually people threw away recyclable materials in our community. In our sophomore year, we scouted our classmates and others to join our environmental club called Saving Earth As One.

Though the club started with eight members, the size did not stray us from our goal. To start promoting awareness, we started a recycling system in our school. We placed cardboard boxes in every class of the elementary, middle school, and high school divisions and collected them every week to send the recycled materials to our local recycling center. We continued to raise awareness by presenting to middle school and elementary students about food wastes paper, plastics, and pollution and posting posters about the three R's. Since promoting awareness was not enough, we did volunteer opportunities such as weeding at Sausal Creek. While we raised people's environmental awareness, we raised our own by watching documentaries and presenting to each other about current environmental issues.

After a year, the club extended to a second branch in another school. As the club grew, I grew. I not only learned about the environmental issues around me but also taught others and promoted environmental protection in my school and community. I am proud of what my club members and I have done so far. I will continue to tackle environmental issues with my club. (If so, I need help deleting at least 50 words!)

Thank you so much!!!
Kristoria 3 / 51 1  
Dec 29, 2013   #7
OK, I think the first one you wrote had more potential to be a better topic than the 2nd. However, as the essays are now the 2nd one is better at this point in time. I would recommend rewriting the first one to make it more interesting. That is my opinion so wait until you get more comments to get a better idea of what to do.


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