Hello~I am turning in my Stanford Application VERY SOON, and I need help on grammatical errors, etc. Please have a look and give your thoughts. I will look at yours too. Thanks! :-)
"Mommy, how did you get the liquid to turn all creamy?" I was seven years old, and it was my first encounter with whipped cream. I watched with amazement as she placed a dab of cream on top of each cupcake. "It's magic, darling." For three more years, I continued to believe that whipped cream just miraculously appeared in the bowl. However, when I turned eleven, I started to question the validity of my mother's words. As she was whipping cream for coffee, I confronted her. "Mom, how did the liquid turn into cream? I know it's more than magic." She placed her egg beater on the counter and looked at me. "I've been giving you that response all these years in hopes that you would find out how on your own. You see, curiosity may have killed the cat, but it has led us to discover the world around us." I sat down in my rocking-chair, meditating on my mother's words, and then ran back to the kitchen. "Can we visit the library, Mom? I really want to know." My experience with whipped cream did more than just introduce me to basic chemistry. It has taught me to take the initiative to research and answer my own questions. At the age of seventeen, my questions are far more complex. Whether it is researching the medical accuracy behind chocolate addiction, or experimenting on how to cook perfect, hard-boiled eggs, I always find myself in search for answers. Smart people will ask questions, but those who are truly dedicated to learning will not only wonder but also satisfy that craving for knowledge. My mother was right when she told me the world was discovered through curiosity. There are still a plethora of questions I have yet to answer, but one thing is for sure: I will not take "It's magic!" for an answer.
this is really good. i like how you've made it personal and how you related it to your choice of degree. absolutely no spelling or grammar issues as far as i can see, and it answers the question really well. good work, and good luck with your application! :)
