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'It stared back at me and I stared back at it' - Common Application Essay

mystictiger 5 / 11  
Oct 29, 2012   #1
It stared back at me and I stared back at it. My mind went into an instant blank. As if though nothing was there but me and its overpowering entity. All I could see were the misfit edges; the pieces to the puzzle of my existence. My world stared back at me and held me in captivity. I couldn't turn back or change its outcome. My heartbeat quickened and as I started to run, I realized, this is me. My life is this huge puzzle piece that screams "I'm here! Find my right place and insert me where I can be content rather than colliding with the wrong pieces to be led astray!"

The moment when you realize that everyone and everything around you are interconnected like the overlapping of the tessellations of the Hagia Sophia in Turkey, you know that you are a part of someone else. To find my place, I take one turn to fit my puzzle piece, and I see a girl standing there by herself amongst a group of young kids. She is visiting the mountainous areas of Pakistan where she sees crying children begging for water and no one would listen.

There were dying sons and daughters, but as long you pretend not to hear, all is fine. She looks for someone to come help, but no one does. Was this the society we lived in? A simple trip that was supposed to be fun, turned into a lesson for her. She quickly grabbed a pail of water and brought it to the crying children. As soon as she handed the pail, she was grabbed by a police officer and was told that she had to leave. For if she didn't leave, she would be taken by the army near the Afghanistan border. She stayed long enough to see the children drink the water, but couldn't bear to see them cry, so she ran from there as fast as she could. Her heart beat with those kids and came to conclude that in fact, their liberation is tied to hers.

Like the tessellations of the Hagia Sophia in Turkey, she found her place. She realized that she truly is a part of someone else. She holds the power to unveil the truth where it is needed and can make the difference by being a voice for those that need it. She can provide a safe haven for someone who is in dire need of it and find her place in the world where she is not just any forlorn puzzle piece.

The girl I saw was me and represented how my life is a puzzle itself. My trip to Pakistan was a major event that changed my life. I saw cruel injustices against young children and wondered why society allowed that. When I handed the water, it made the kids happy and that gave me true inner happiness. From then on, I vowed to speak out against injustice. This experience was a puzzle piece that when put together, it helped me find my true identity. Many of the puzzle pieces are put into place, but there are so many more to be conquered in order to complete the puzzle. I found my way through this hardship and came to see that life offers solutions to complex puzzles and anything is possible to achieve as long as there is will power.
OP mystictiger 5 / 11  
Oct 29, 2012   #2
I would appreciate feedback on clarity and grammar :)
tannerscooter 6 / 14 1  
Oct 29, 2012   #3
I think the essay is very good! I like the puzzle metaphor that you use throughout the essay. One thing that I would say, though, is to maybe reference something else other than the Hagia Sophia the second time. I really liked the reference the first time, but I didn't like the repetition of it very much.
OP mystictiger 5 / 11  
Oct 30, 2012   #4
thank u so much! i will definitely use another reference

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