William Shakespeare wrote "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves; we are underlings." This quote suits my life perfectly because I was scammed by an actual astrologer. Usually most urban fourteen-year olds know how to detect a charlatan. However, I didn't. I thought Nicole, the astrologer, coming into my life was a God-given sign at the moment. I still do; but now for a much different reason.
June 16th of 2009 was the day where my fate changed. I was coming home from school and passed by the bank as usual. Only this time, I heard "you're in love." I turned and saw a plum-shaped woman. I walked up to her confused, and she told me she was an astrologer. Oh, how I thought this was a sign...
During that period, I was going through many medical problems. My cholesterol was becoming a serious problem, and; I was in risk of open-heart surgery. On top of that were the raging teenage hormones.
Nicole pointed out the exact minutiae in my life, one in particular relating to the "teenage issues." It was near the end of my freshmen year and I was transferring schools. Unfortunately I had a crush on my guy best friend [who had just the cutest plump butt and succulent lips!] I guess the stark reality was that my heart needed a serious operation. But when Nicole told me this, I thought it was God's way of telling me I'm meant to be with him. She told me he had feelings for me, too, and that she was going to help me by conducting a spiritual "experiment." Knowing this temporarily alleviated my health worries, but left a permanent smile.
Nicole and I met up several times, and each time she would say "It'll take plenty of time and more money." She would give me prices that seemed unreasonable. I was literally spending eighty dollars on candles "brought from Africa." However the night of our meeting on December changed everything. I came home, logged onto Facebook, and saw the most depressing news. My beloved was now in a relationship. After hours of crying in the bathroom, I decided to delete her from my contact list.
By doing so I removed the one person preventing me from creating my own destiny. This experience changed how I saw the world. It led me to believe that the future is unwritten and it is our job to fill in the words of our own book. Even though we don't have the ability to reverse time to create a new beginning, we can create a new ending. An astrologer telling us our future only inhibits us from challenging ourselves and defining the true meaning of life. Trying different things is what makes life more interesting and spontaneous. Life is meant to be lived.
Although no one really knows what the future holds, I do know I will contribute to society. Ideally, I would love to become a doctor (without borders.) I want to meet people around world and provide health care as well as hope. Each one of us has a story to share, and although mine might seem "childish," it's unique. My story shows readers that life will throw "evil" characters at you; but you, as the hero, have to save your own world. Shakespeare may not be the author of my book, but he couldn't have said it any better. "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves; we are underlings."
Unfortunately I had a crush on my guy best friend [who had just the cutest plump butt and succulent lips!]
Out all the thing you might have been told, writing this in your essay is a strict NO NO! :o
Even though the message you want to convey at the end of your essay is strong and insightful, the example you used to support isn't that strong.
You should check out - collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/a/EssayPrompts.htm
And this to have an idea what essays could be a bad idea to use for colleges - collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/tp/bad-essay-topics.htm
I'm sure you can improve on this. If you do that I'm sure you don't have to worry much.
All the best!
Please give me some feedback on both my essays! I would really appreciate it! :) Thank you so much!
Really different and unique essay...but do you think relating an experience where you were cheated into believing that your crush was infatuated with you is a good topic?? IF you are determined to stick with the current content, I suggest you make your realizations more real...show me how your perception and view of the world changed rather than just stating this transformation....IF you need any more help or need supervision over a new draft ,feel free to post again or email me at junaidarefeen@gmail.com
PLEASE READ OVER MY COMMONAPP ESSAY
