Hi, i was wondering of someone would be willing to look over my admission essay into Oregon. I have the freedom to write about what ever i want and a 500 word maximum. Im not to sure how to come to a conculsion of my second paragraph and what more I should add to my conclusion. Any help would be great.
Find my essay below:
That moment when your cleats first hit the turf, you're standing in the stadium under all the lights and you feel invincible. The ref puts the whistle in his mouth and with that little breath of air he blows; it becomes an all-out brawl it feels like to see who will come out on top. Two teams competing to achieve their goals. One kick of a ball that can change everything, one break away that can give you the confidence to do more. Sprinting up and down the field when your legs tell you to quit but your heart tells you that your stronger than that and can't give up. It's not only myself that will be let down, but my whole team if one of us gives up. Soccer wasn't just a game to me, it was my passion.
At one point in my life, I played soccer every day of the week and I never got tired of it at all. It wasn't until my freshmen and sophomore year of high school that I began to fall out of love with sport. I made a decision my junior year to not try out for the soccer. My dad was sad to see his little girl that he taught everything to give up after twelve years. I was happy at first to finally have some free time to my own, to discover new hobbies that would spark my interest. The realization after a few months though that I would never step back out on that field and that I was regrettably a quitter was the hardest part. My new hobby became ASB. ASB is the associative student body at my high school. Being known as a leader around campus sparked a whole new interest in going to a good college and pursuing my dreams no matter what. Not only did I get experience around campus, but helping others in the community.
Quitting soccer was not an ending to something good, but rather a start to something even better. Setting goals and ambitions for myself throughout the years has shaped the young, intelligent women I am starting to become.