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"It started with multiple sclerosis" - Northwestern Supplement: In tandem

thindust 1 / 6  
Dec 25, 2010   #1
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

It started with multiple sclerosis. To be precise, it was scientific literature research on multiple sclerosis as part of my immunology module that first drew me to Northwestern. The journal paper received much coverage for reporting the effects of stem cell transplants in treatment for multiple sclerosis; I was immediately fascinated. It did not take long before I decided to understand what other research the lab was engaged in. What greeted me seemed a world of opportunities that pulsed in the same rhythm as my heart in pursuit of knowledge and growth in character.

Apart from having a rigorous and exciting liberal arts curriculum, being engaged in the beautiful city of Chicago with its rich culture, being to home to a stellar student advising system, having the bulk of the faculty involved in teaching and welcoming a whole range of clubs and societies, what is important to me is that Northwestern will walk with me in tandem.

In Northwestern's undergraduate research site, the challenging yet rewarding nature of research was described with a frankness and genuineness with such parallel with my sentiments while a research student as USDA. No glamorizing of being in the academic forefront, no superlatives of groundbreaking discoveries - just honest and sincere in describing the demands and gems of involving oneself in research. Research, especially while juggling a core curriculum as I had experienced in my final year project, can sometimes be grueling and intense; a quest for answers may sometimes mean bartering hours of sleep or another mount of publications to analyze. Research makes you think creatively and critically at the same time, adapt, apply, create, and above all, learn. I have learnt, also, that research is not everyone's cup of tea and thus a student should know well what to expect in research before committing oneself. The rewards of research are not often tangible or easily defined, but it is real and it is stimulating - Northwestern is honest about that. With a tone down-to-earth, Northwestern echoed my feelings towards research; we were on the same frequency. I fully intend to take up the challenge of research alongside my intended major in an institution that is just as excited as I am about the myriad of opportunities available. I want to acquaint with unsolved problems with mentors whose intentions are to stretch thinking. I look forward to a stimulating, rigorous academic environment in an institution that encourages academic inquiry while supportive and honest about the demands of each commitment. That institution rings Northwestern.

Walking alongside with ideals in education, I appreciate Northwestern's commitment to the community through special programs like the Service Learning Certificate Program. Having grown a lot through being involved with the community, I could see how service learning can transform a person's spirit. One thing that I found lacking in my service learning experiences in high school was deep facilitated reflection in a group setting. Reflections were mostly independent, but in the rare cases where I got the chance to engage in reflective sessions with my peers, I had found myself learning so much more. Only as one grows more, can one give more. As such, it makes me all the more appreciative that Northwestern holds reflective seminars in high regard in the program. What is important to Northwestern in service learning is precisely what I believe is essential; we are singing in the same voice.

My opportunities will be boundless at Northwestern, and I am certain I will take each of them with pride, ambition and heart. My passion and my drive are fueled by the thrills of the biological sciences. Right now, I cannot wait to enter the laboratory in gloves of Purple.

Hey there! Here is my Northwestern Supplement essay. I hope to have some help with improving a) grammatical issues b) cohesion. I am having some trouble thinking of how to end off, seeing that the last 2 paragraphs are quite awkward in transition!

Thank you so very much for your help!
neil 1 / 12  
Dec 25, 2010   #2
Are you sure you want the initial drama of saying "Multiple Sclerosis" as your hook? Sounds like you're just using the attention the sickness commands to draw attention to your essay. Maybe tone it down a little. And clarify your next few sentences a bit, I first was misled to believe you were the one who wrote the journal paper.

I'm not sure "reporting the effects of stem cell transplants in treatment for multiple sclerosis" is correct. "reporting the effects of stem cell transplants while treating multiple sclerosis" or "reporting the effectiveness of stem cell transplants in treating multiple sclerosis" maybe?

"What greeted me seemed like a world of opportunities"?
"being engaged in the beautiful city of Chicago" I don't think you can be engaged in a place .

This line seems slight ambiguous: "what is important to me is that Northwestern will walk with me in tandem"

Not correct: "with such parallel with my sentiments while a research student as USDA"

"just honestlyand sincere in describing"

Again, I'm not sure I understand "Walking alongside with ideals in education"

Hope you'll take my comments constructively. I tend to be overly critical. Also, could you critique my answer to a similar prompt for MIT.

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