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Personal Statement on "My activities after high school graduation."


Promise 5 / 8  
Feb 24, 2011   #1
this is my personal statement on what I did after high school graduation. please review it. it is due in 7 hours time. thank you.

As my bus pulled over in front of my house, I made way to my room, threw my bag on the bed, pulled off my shoes, and I sank into the bed. I looked at the wall completely uncertain on how to start the activities on my 'After-valediction list.' Few days later I was in the Cyber café dressed in my office-wear only to meet with challenges bigger than me.

The job is what you would expect-walking from one computer to another, attending to customers and sometimes babysitting with them to interpret the softcopy that stands stuck on the screen of the monitor. I worked for 10 hours daily. The access to the internet helped me a lot in my college search. On Saturdays I leave my work place early to attend a cooking class in a nearby women centre. I learnt how to prepare Italian dishes, some Latino dishes and African dishes. In fact mum rarely enters the kitchen because she knows there is a second mother in the house who is an expert in the kitchen.

I can't forget the torturous Tuesday evenings I spend in the church rehearsing songs with fellow choristers. I would play piano till my fingers started aching. During the weekends I am in the driving school. Although I haven't got my driver's license those minutes on the steering means a lot to me. I could have been an expert by now if not that I stopped half-way to travel to Abuja to join EducationUSA.

On Thursday evenings I am at the laboratory assisting the resident laboratory scientist. Joy! Happiness! Ecstasy! What word describes that moment I watched the Amoeba move its pseudopodia. But then waking up very early every morning to prepare my younger siblings for school couldn't have been more heartwarming. Every hour I spent doing the activities in my list was an adventure. It was a hike to entertainment.

row45a 2 / 4  
Feb 24, 2011   #2
Personally I do not understand what your trying to say.
It's not written bad.
It just needs a topic, point, theme and a outline with a introduction paragraph on what your going to write about.
What do you want them to know about after high school?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Mar 4, 2011   #3
As After my bus pulled over in front of my house, I made way to my room, threw my bag on the bed, pulled off my shoes, and I sank into the bed.

I looked at the wall, completely uncertain on about how to start the ...

The job is what you would expect-walking from one computer to another, attending to customers and sometimes babysitting with them to interpret the softcopy that stands stuck on the screen of the monitor. I worked ...----You are switching verb tenses in the paragraph. Within one paragraph, keep it all in the same verb tense. You started with the present tense, so... if you still work there, keep it all in the present tense, or if you no longer work there keep it all in the past tense.

Anyway, I know you already submitted it. That is a minor problem... no big deal.

Capitalize Internet.

I like this: torturous Tuesday evenings ...

You have a great style of writing!


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