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Personal Statement - Career Goals & How Education @ Particular Uni will Support goals


NicoleLL 1 / -  
Apr 16, 2011   #1
The following is an essay I have written expressing my current career goals and why I believe an education from a particular university will support these goals. It was written to be used for application to this particular university. I graduated from highschool several years ago and have not written any formal essays in a long time! I would appreciate any feedback regarding the content and whether or not it efficiently answers the question! THANK YOU!!

I have never been able to shake the feeling that I was not meant for this place; for this suburbanite life characterized by picket fences and minivans, where it is possible to be satisfied measuring one's own success by the ability to have a family and simply maintain a job. Such a life is good and honorable, and is without question what some people are created for; however, I am not one of those people.

In January of 2005, I moved to Sydney, Australia. At the time, my career goals were ill-defined and immature. During my five years in Australia, I had many unique opportunities to work alongside business professionals in the areas of leadership and event management. It was at that time, working as an event intern and then as a salaried event coordinator, that I was ruined for "ordinary" and discovered what it is that I am good at.

Today, my career goals are more specific than before. I would like to work with city councils and planning committees to coordinate city-wide events, comparable to well-known events like; New Years Eve in NYC, Fashion Week, or even the Oscars. I would like to work with a faith-based human rights organization to coordinate international events with the intention of shedding light on pertinent global issues. I would especially like to be a part a team planning historic events such as the Olympics. Ultimately, I envision myself working on projects that are much bigger than me; that have the capacity to gather people and create memories and possibly earn a spot in history, which I would never be able to accomplish alone. For this reason I am choosing to apply to X University.

There are many reasons I believe an X education will support these goals. As an institution, I am impressed by its esteemed position in the business world and the success stories of former students I am personally aware of. Geographically, it is located in the "heart" of the communications world with access to some of the worlds leading organizations. I know an education at X will enable me to bring a higher level of professionalism and excellence to my work in a real-world environment. If accepted into Xs undergraduate program, I will strive to further its reputation by obtaining my goals and living a life that is anything but ordinary.
Victorious2011 2 / 2  
Apr 18, 2011   #2
Your format is great, and It does answer the question completely. As a reader though, I am curious to know more about what in Australia that influenced your vocational decision. Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 19, 2011   #3
I have never been able to shake the feeling that I was not meant for this place -- this suburbanite life characterized by picket fences and minivans, where it is possible to be satisfied...---I added a dash in place of that semi-colon.

Wow, I like that first paragraph.

Ultimately, I envision myself working on projects that are much bigger than me and have the capacity to gather people and create memories and possibly earn a spot in history, which I would never be able to accomplish alone.----pretty cool! I like the way you think. I simplified a little and took out that semi-colon. Google around to find out about the ways you should use a semi-colon vs. a dash.

For this reason I am choosing to apply to X University.---I think this sentence is too simple. Can you add some meaning by adding a few more words? At least add a few words to this sentence to indicate what your plan is (i.e. how you will use your time at this school.)

There are many reasons I believe an X education will support these goals . Not a necessary sentence, not powerful...

just begin to explain:
As an institution, I am impressed by its esteemed position in the business world and the success stories of former students I am personally aware of. Geographically, it is located in the "heart" of the...

:-) This is looking pretty good! I like the way you discuss several specific goals.


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