Common Application:
Topic #1:Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
Just the just draft :) I wrote like 3-4 others, this in one of those :D
The window rolled down to reveal to little Cambodian kids by the side of our car, sticking out a red dipper to beg for money. They stared at my dad, who was tapping on the driving wheel to wait for the red light to turn green. They didn't talk, and I doubted if they knew any Vietnamese at all. Then my dad gave them a dollar. And suddenly, their faces were brightened up by earnestly cheerful smiles. They kept bowing and talked in a language I know nothing of, but I could recognize the sound of happiness. I was watching them the whole time and wondering why I felt strange and confused, then turned my head around once more, let my eyes linger on the two tiny figures fading further and further away. How could they be so happy in such a sight?
It was a typical summer day in Vietnam, which means the temperature is above 40'C at least. Surrounded in a giant flaming fire of the sun, the kids sweated excessively as if they just had a bath; and their tanned skin, which showed nothing but destitution, spoke the ineffable language of misery. According to their appearance, I guess the two are siblings, a girl, about 6-7 years old, was carrying her little brother. They both wore shattered clothes with expectable banal colors. The fact that they have to deal with survival threats every day doesn't allow them much chance to think of having normal clothes, not even mentioning beautiful ones. The pavement where they sat earlier was fully filled with some kind of yellow flowers, lively and flesh, sharply disparate with the kids. They looked lost in the color of hope and happiness of this nature's creation. How can anyone feel the glow of happiness in this scene? It seems impossible to me.
But two dollars my dad gave them truly made the miracle happen. In that very split second, they smiled to each other, holding the money as if it was the wish-lamp. They whispered in excitement, bowed once more and trotted away. How could such small thing bring joy to them? And I was in the car, staying away from the boiling heat, and did not feel satisfied. I stopped myself from further thought, for I was brought back to one of my daily scenes: abundant food all over the table and my mom just set herself in the table to enjoy the diner. I was determined to leave the table the next minute, because I didn't like onion and the food was full of it, besides, the movie on TV was indeed more enthralling, I left my mom to eat by herself. Shameful and upset, I wanted to close my mind from all those memories flashing by: the time I got mad for not getting the dress with the color I expected, or when my AC stopped working in the boiling heat of a summer day, depressed over overload homework...Countless images and scenes filled my mind. I rarely feel enough even though I always have more than enough, it blinds me. Overwhelming with all the wants and needs as a common greedy person, I forgot to look around and open my eyes to see. And there they were, reminding me of the incredible luck I was having. Happiness could be found in every infinitesimal corner I could never predict or expect. It is in the hug my mom gives me every morning before leaving for work, it is in diner with daily stories at school or work, it is in the smile of those two kids...It is a wonder of how something so small and so unimportant become the fullest joy at times. Mine was left with the kid and the dollar beside the vividly yellow flowers.
Happiness is rather a choice than a gift or a right. One could choose to be happy in a seeming miserable situation or to not be happy in wealth and fortune. Happiness is ubiquitous, and if a hug or just two dollars could make some body's day, why can't I help to make the difference? Then I thought of how alike those yellow flowers and I are, apathetic and lethargic to what is going on around us, and even worse, to what we are having at the present. We live in a world to demand the best life qualities and our greed never seems to cease.
yeah, that I agree, we have all these people trying to force their children to go out on the street to beg for money too. To be honest, Im aware of all those!
But my focus here is more on my realization of true happiness, of how all the little things could make this world a better place. Do you think I am kindda on the right track?
I could recognize the sound of happiness. ------> Great sentence!!
I was watching them the whole time and wondering why I felt strange and confused; then, I t urned my head around once more and let my eyes linger on the two tiny figures fading further and further away.
In that very split second, they smiled to each other, holding the...
I think you should add a sentence to the end of that first paragraph -- a sentence that will hint at the moral of the story... happiness is a choice.
May anyone add to the overall idea of this? Because I was just trying to convey the ideas first, I am working on a lot of essays and ideas right now, so if my idea is fresh enough, I think more work will definitely be put in :)
Thanks a lot for the ones who contribute in helping me =]
Yes indeed! And you have a lot to offer, because the writers of essays cannot see their own writing the way you see it. They cannot see it objectively. They need to know our reactions to each paragraph, an that is something you can help with.
Then, link them to your essay and ask them for feedback!
For now, I think you should work with that first paragraph some more. Can you make it so that someone who reads the first paragraph will already understand the central truth of the essay? A powerful last sentence will help a lot.
