I'm applying for three fashion schools in the U.K via Universities and Colleges Admissions Service(UCAS).
It's a rough copy of my personal statement.
I expect some suggestions on the content and fixes for wrong grammar:))
Thanks
I was destined to do fashion. Since I was little in kindergarten, I would like to go shopping with my mother to a cheap marketplace every weekend, presented my brand-new clothes to class mates, and felt refreshed. Growing up, I have loved watching fashion-related TV shows and magazines, and fashion is naturally prioritized for me to look at in mass media. When I watched the Breakfast at Tiffany's, I could not help myself more concentrating on Audrey Hepburn's black mini dress and pearl necklace than the story itself. My passion for fashion never leaves ever since.
Born into a middle class family whose parents run a pharmacy, I had grown relatively affluent. Thanks to my parents, I was able to afford any fashion items I wanted. It was feasible for me to be interested in fashion and I took it gratefully.
When I turned 16, in virtue of my parents' well-off business, I gained a wonderful opportunity to spend the last 2 years of high school in Canada, which had me more drawn to the splendid fashion world. The fashionable city Toronto overwhelmed me with "hot" fashion brands, such as H&M, Forever 21, and Urban Outfitters. Watching their collections, I could not only be aware of the latest trends in high fashion but also learned a strategy how successfully those brands made it affordable for people to buy their products by putting new trends in them at cheaper prices.
Spending high school in Canada, I took International Business that has combined with my idea of fashion and assured me that it could make my dream real. I learned basic business key words, how a business works, what factors are considered while running a business, and what skills are required to be a business person. But most significantly, now I became more capable of applying them to real business situations, while I more clinged to memorizing the concepts and context before. It will help me find connections between fashion and merchandising.
After graduating high school, I came back to Korea to get work experience. I was hired as a stylist's assistant in Seoul. Whenever we had work, I was always the one who first arrived at the set, prepared and arranged items that were used for the photoshoot. Sometimes I got to select items that I thought they would go well with the "concept" of the photoshoot. For a month of this experience, I learned how to get along with the a little bit "picky" fashion people. I also learned the significance of effective advertisement. Even though it was short and tough time, I could never be happier contributing myself to fashion.
Coming back from Seoul, I got another job at a clothing store in my hometown. I was only a part-time worker who sold clothes the store had, but tried to relate the experience with what I want to study in my near future. I became proficient at catching customer's needs in fashion and promoting clothes we had. I learned how to deal with customers, as well as coordinate fashion items suitable enough to attract them to buy. In addition, my communication skill has come with it. I found myself talking friendly with customers withough being shy of strangers. Knowing what people pursue in fashion and having a good communication skill will be great back-ups for me to study fashion merchandising.
With the plentiful work experience at real firms that will be provided for me, I can imagine myself as a buyer for my favorite brand, which I have dreamed of all my life. I am ready to take the chance that the U.K's greatest fashion schools will offer me.
This is great story.!!
your eassy is very elaborate.
I'm very impressed the way to describe about your last success. ^^
But I have a few suggestions for you.
Born into a middle class family whose parents run a pharmacy, I had grown relatively affluent. Thanks to my parents, I was able to afford any fashion items I wanted. It was feasible for me to be interested in fashion and I took it gratefully. In my opinion , this paragrapt is unnecessary . I think you can delete it altogether, because it making your eassy you is loaded. Your content is strong, so you should not add another respect which not relate on your eassy. Your eassy is perfect when you focussed on the point.^^
Sorry I couldn't come up with some help with checking your grammar. because I'm still weak about it. T^T I hope giving you what i found to be the flaw helped!
Anyways.... I enjoyed reading your essay! Great writing. ^_^
Thank you so much for reading my essay!!
I was destined for fashion. As a kindergartener , I enjoyed shopping with my mother toat a cheap marketplace every weekend, presented(ing) my brand-new clothes to class mates, and felt refreshed. Growing up, I have loved watching fashion-relatedoriented TV shows andmagazines;and fashion is [naturally prioritized for me to look at in mass media] awkward phrase, try rewording) . When I watchedwatching the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's, I could not help myself, concentrating more on Audrey Hepburn's black mini dress and pearl necklace than the story itself. My passion for fashion never leaveshas grown ever since.
Born into a middle class family whose parents run a pharmacy, I had grown relatively affluent. Thanks to my parents, I was able to afford any fashion items I wanted. It was feasible for me to be interested in fashion and I took it gratefully. This last sentence is awkward try rephrasing it, and elaborating
When I turned 16, in virtue of my parents' well-off business, I gained a wonderful opportunity to spend the last 2 years of high school in Canada, which had me more drawndrew me deeper intoto the splendid fashion world. The fashionable city Toronto overwhelmed me with "hot" fashion brands, such as H&M, Forever 21, and Urban Outfitters. Watching their collections, I couldbecame not only be aware of the latest trends in high fashion but also learned a strategythe strategy on how successfully those brands made it affordable for people to buy their products by putting new trends in them at cheaper prices.
Spending high school in Canada, I took International Business that has combined with my idea of fashion and assured me that it could make my dream real. I learned basic business key words, how a business works, what factors are considered while running a business, and what skills are required to be a business person. But most significantly, now I became more capable of applying them to real business situations, whilewhereas I more clinged to memorizing the concepts and context before. It will help meThis course will enable me to find connections between fashion and merchandising.
After graduating high school, I (came back to Korea)had you gone to Korea before? to get work experience. I was hired as a stylist's assistant in Seoul. Whenever we had work, I was always the one who first arrived at the set, prepared and arranged items that were used for the photoshoot. Sometimes I got to select items that I thought they would go well with the "concept" of the photoshoot. For a month of this experienceDuring this month long experience , I learned how to get along with the a little bit "picky" fashion people. I also learned the significance of effective advertisement. Even though it was a short and tough time, I could never be happier contributing myself to fashion.
Coming back from Seoul, I got anothersnagged a job at a local clothing store in my hometown . I was only a part-time worker who sold clothes the store had, but tried to relate the experience with what I want to study in my near future. I became proficient at catching customer's needs in fashion and promoting clothes we had. I learned how to deal with customers, as well as coordinate fashion items suitable enough to attract them to buy. In addition, my communication skill has come with itgrown/progressed . I found myself talking friendlyuse different word, that sounds awkward with customers withoughalthough I wasbeing shy of strangers. Knowing what people pursue in fashion and having a good communication skill will be great back-ups for me to study fashion merchandising.
With the plentiful work experience at real firms that will be provided for me, I can imagine myself as a buyer for my favorite brand, which I have dreamed of all my life. I am ready to take the chance that the U.K's greatest fashion schools will offer me.
