This is the one all colleges can see so be brutal.
I knew I was experiencing something special as I sat in that board meeting situated on the outskirts of Accra, Ghana. Jet-lagged, hungry, and with the worst case of heartburn ever, I stared intently at Patrick Awuah, the founder of Ashesi University. My uncle, along with the rest of the board members, had come from all around the world to outline the next 5 years of educational future for this young liberal arts college. And although no one was talking except Patrick, I could feel the room saturating with a heightened level of intellectualism. In that room, I was sitting among giants.
"I'd like to now open the panel for open forum discussion. If anyone has a comment or concern about Ashesi, please feel free. I want to hear it all", Patrick said.
Everyone except me immediately flung up their hands. I felt awkward because I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. Still, I focused on keeping up as the discussion ranged from curriculum, to athletics, to campus social life. After three exhilarating hours, Patrick summed up the economic feasibility of the ideas. I sat at the table thinking,
"Here are individuals setting a higher standard for education in Africa. This college is only six years old yet it's already impacting the rising generation of Ghanaians."
Never before had I seen such a raw, pure example of people in power making choices that would change the world. I stumbled out of that room hearing the ideas from that intense discussion rattle the inside of my skull. Where will Ashesi be in 20 years? What will Ghana be like in 20 years? How can I do something with this much impact? I felt a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment after witnessing that debate. I was roused to do something that mattered for myself and others.
I went back to Los Angeles and found that something. My love for politics evolved into political activism, working phone banks for the Crenshaw/South L.A. campaign office in Barack Obama's 2012 presidential campaign. Every Saturday of October and November, I made the journey to that small "hustle-bustle" office on Crenshaw Boulevard. Sitting at my cubicle with my headset and list of contacts to call, I spoke to people from communities all over Los Angeles County. And every time I made a contact with a new person and persuaded them to vote this election, I felt that same sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that I'd experienced in Ghana. The only difference was, rather than admiring the dynamic change made by others, I was making the dynamic change myself. I was influencing the voter turnout of America's 2012 presidential election.
My experience in Africa ignited my desire to make an impact. My participation in the South L.A. campaign office magnified my desire into political activism. But I want to go further. I want to increase my skill set to expand far beyond operating phone banks that increase voter turnout. I want to make an impact that will change the world. Can you help me do that?
Overall I thought it was a pretty good statement. Narrative is clear and easy to follow, and overall it was a good read. If you have room, I would try expanding on the political activism and why it means so much to you. While most universities tend to lean liberal, I wouldn't get too into real specific political views, but more so what you look to change and the positive impact you want to have through it. I would maybe try to expand on your conclusion as well. You already established in earlier paragraphs that the African experience and work on the campaign motivated you, so try to expand on that. Conclusions should avoid simply restating what has already been said, and actually drawing more in depth conclusions about them. Also, while not a deal breaker, I am not personally huge on the "can you help me do that " ending.
