Hello Everyone!
I recently discovered this site and it has been of great assistance.
I just need a little help with spelling and grammar - perhaps sentence structure.
(My native language is swedish)
I am soon applying to a few Universities around the world and figured it would be a good idea to include a personal essay. I have had many chapters in my life and am trying to neatly summerize it into a structured well-written essay that doesnt bore the reader but interests them.
Note: it is incomplete.
I have only finished half of it and due to my writing insercuity I wont even show it to my dad haha.
I would therefore really appriciate any feedback here on the forum =)
____
It is important to break the pattern!" My grandma always told me, and I would roll my eyes in return, giving her a barely audible "hum" in agreement. I'd be afraid of either receiving an hour long tedious lecture on life, or the definition of her blunt statement.
Nevertheless, it turned into my life motto as I started to understand the profound meaning of it. To not fall into comfortable routines that limit you. To avoid settling for anything less when you know there is more to find. To work with your full potential towards goals and objectives you set day to day. To be curious in life and lead yours curiously!
My odyssey begun when I was young and new to life. My parents decided to leave our picturesque small town behind for a new home in Skane, Sweden that was only 7 hours away from our old home. My brother and I had adopted their very lovely (English?) accent and now spoke an odd mixture of both (English and Swedish?). We stayed in Skane for three years until our first big move to Malaysia. It was other-worldly in every way. The culture, the language, the environment, the food, the climate and our beautiful apartment all had a foreign charm to it that was new to us. My brother and I were home schooled for the time being and after a short period spoke English fluently and without any difficulty. [Anna-- I'm sorry if I didn't understand this too well and messed it up... but when you said "My brother and I had adapted their very lovely accent and now spoke an odd mixture of two", I couldn't tell what languages you were referring to.]
Our third destination was a little closer to home, in Europe. My parents enrolled us into local German schools. We lived in Langen, a place similar to our hometown in many ways, except that that the Germans had a very flamboyant and patriotic side to them that was quite interesting. [I took "Although" to mean your hometown did not] Germany started to feel like a real home to us. We had settled down forming our own place that after time gathered memories and experiences that connected us with Langen. It was quite comical how I had adapted the typical "hessisch" accent so well that new teachers mistook me for being German!
In all honesty, I had a difficult time settling into many of the schools due to the very conservative system. In Sweden, I was brought up in a more pedagogical environment where team-work and outside activities were just as pivotal as individual studies. In Langen however, the focus was on the student's potential, their achievements and success.
From grade 4, [in Langen?] I was used to weekly exams and separate tests that were conducted and scored in front of a class. Every Students report card and results was presented to your following class mates to gather feedback and an evaluation by your teacher.
Despite the strict school schedule, I had the privilege to befriend a lot of fantastic young people my age. The educational experience introduced me to a disciplinary side that might not have been considered morally right in many ways, but it taught me to listen and learn.
Thanks!
____
//Anna
Here is an alternative for handling that first sentence:
...barely noticeable "hum" in agreement -- eit her afraid of receiving...
I guess I like SairaTasartir's idea of keeping it as 2 sentences... You choose the way you like.
I also suggest combining the first two paragraphs to make them one. The first paragraph is the core of the essay, and it should hint at, or state outright, the theme of the essay.
You need to make sure you do not write in sentence fragments. Below, I'll add a subject to go with the predicates (you can google subject and predicate if you get confused):
It means to avoid falling into comfortable routines that limit you; to avoid settling for anything less when you know there is more to find; to work with your full potential towards goals and objectives you set day to day; to be curious in life, and to lead yours curiously!
I think a good word to use in this essay is "complacency". Look up that one. Your grandma is smart!
From grade four, I had grown accustomed to weekly exams...
Well done! This is great, but learn about subject and predicate for complete sentences. :))
