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In your personal statement include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why

adottde 1 / -  
Jan 15, 2018   #1

application essay about myself

Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why

My family would describe me as responsible. My parents are most proud of my ability to be a role model to my younger siblings. They are grateful for the way I am able to guide them and give them advice toward making the right decisions. My friends would describe me as a compassionate and selfless individual with the power of effortlessly making people laugh. My friends know that I am always there to lend a helping hand when they are in need.

Members of the community would also describe me in a similar way to my family. When I worked in retail I would often be associated with the phrase "hard-working,"- at one point landing me the position of a manager on duty. Customers were always satisfied with my ability to go above and beyond to provide them with the best service.

I am most proud of the skills I've accumulated throughout the years because they highlight my ambition and diligence. Achieving high academically in my science courses, such as Biology, chemistry, and mathematics had granted me the opportunity to become a peer tutor and share my knowledge to promote the success of my fellow classmates. Since I enjoy serving the less fortunate, I also started a fundraising club for a major organization Doctors without Borders, which helped me work on both leadership, teamwork, and time management skills. Most importantly, the club allowed me to grow my interpersonal skills.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3344  
Jan 15, 2018   #2
Agail, you need to separate and strengthen your first 3 discussions. Each subject (family, friends, community) should be discussed in separate paragraphs because you need to expand upon your discussion with appropriate examples that exemplify the trait that is admired in you by each representative section. So for the family, describe an instance when a sibling needed your positive influence and what the outcome was. The same goes for your friend(s). As for the community, in what way are you admired for your hard work? It would help if you can mention if your hard work resulted in your being named employee of the month or something in order to show that your abilities were recognized by management.

You need to pick one of your numerous proud moments and fully develop that presentation. It does not help to indicate numerous achievements when you are not able to explain fully why these are instances that you are very proud of. Since you are expected to present this in only one paragraph, pick the most impressive moment, as far as you are concerned, then fully represent the reasons why you are proud of this accomplishment. You are not being asked to present numerous achievements, just one that is most memorable and notable to you. That is all the reviewer wants to know about.

Remember, you have 250 words. That is one full double spaced page. That means you can present up to 5 paragraphs with which to write an enlightening and informative essay. This is the reviewers chance to get to know you from a different perspective, I suggest you make sure that you represent accurately in all facets with fully developed presentations in every paragraph.
segun2700 1 / 1  
Jan 15, 2018   #3
This is a good essay.
Though you can still give it more edits an reviews to get the final best.

Try to include a short intro on who you think you are.
I would suggest adding brief examples of what you once did, that made your friends and members of your family, your parents or siblings were able to characterize you.

That should do it

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