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Personal statement-Law ("The world makes way for the man...")


barbie 1 / -  
Apr 2, 2009   #1
As a little girl, my favourite time was at night curled up in a warm bed with my dad reading to me the many magical stories. Listening to him always gave me a twinge of excitement and expectancy, as if something special waited for me. When I could not question his knowledge of mermaids, princesses and dreamlands anymore, I would reluctantly retreat into my own magical world of imagination pondering on my options of finding Peter Pan's 'Neverland'.

However, encircled in a love-filled comfort zone, a few questions bothered me in my world of thoughts. I could not relate to the harsh realities of life with my imaginations. I did not understand why the girl working as a housemaid in my house had to finish her work properly before retiring when I could keep anything undone and get away with it. No one could answer why street children had to beg standing in the pouring rain while I could sit comfortably in a car, on my way to school. My queries always brought compliments from elders but no one could possibly pinpoint me the assurances and people of my age considered my worries to be of no relevance.

As I grew up, I became aware of the many sufferings and ailment right outside my comfortable world. While I sat secured at home, I heard of a teen girl who had been raped and hospitalised on her nuptial night as she had protested while her husband was 'making love' to her. And the stories never ended. I tried in vain but I could not close my eyes to these obvious differences. I wanted to do something that would pacify my guilt. So when I had to choose the my path of life, I chose Law, as this was the best portal by which I could ensure the basic rights of a human and work for their benefit.

After I had entered into the world of Law, I found out that it was an essential part of our everyday life shaping our civilized society within a legal framework. I believe Law is an ideal choice for me as I wish to operate at a higher level where I can be in a position to change the society's perception over all these issues like child-labour, street childrens' rights, labour rights and women rights. I do not intend to sit helplessly praying to god for the poor soul who has been brutally raped on her nuptial night but make a chance for her where she can boldly apply her basic rights and voice her distress.

Furthermore, my opportunities of working as an intern in a legal firm has allowed me to enhance my passion for law and had mould me for my fundamental purpose. Apart from re-affirming my goal to be a responsible citizen of the society, these internships have taught me the various aspects of litigation.

As famously stated, 'The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going', I have developed an urge to voice myself and fight for the cause I believe in. I intend to work for a society where a child has the scope to question herself if she deserves the chocolates that the house maid of her age was staring wistfully at. Thus, I believe my choice of stepping into the legal world will be exceptional help in my walk to reach my goal.
t3h50 2 / 7  
Apr 2, 2009   #2
Some suggestions...

Paragraph 2:
"My queries always brought compliments from elders, but no onenone of them could possiblyever pinpoint me the assurances;and people of my age considered my worries to be of no relevance."

Paragraph 4:
"I do not intend to sit helplessly praying to God for the poor soul who has been brutally raped on her nuptial night but insteadmake a chance for her where she canprovide her with the chance to boldly apply her basic rights and voice her distress."

Paragraph 5:
"Furthermore, my opportunities of working as an intern in a legal firm hashave allowed me to enhance my passion for law and had mould me for my fundamental purpose."

Paragraph 6:
"I intend to work for a society where a child has the scope to question herself if she deserves the chocolates that the house maid of her age was staring wistfully at." --> To me, this sentence is a bit awkward to read. Perhaps there is a different way to phrase this sentence to make the reading flow better.

also, I would use "society in which" instead of "society where".

Overall, great personal statement.
flight23 4 / 31  
Apr 3, 2009   #3
As a little girl, my favourite time was at night curled up in a warm bed with my dad reading to me the many magical stories. Listening to him always gave me a twinge of excitement and expectancy, as if something special waited for me. When I could not question his knowledge of mermaids, princesses and dreamlands [any more], I would reluctantly retreat into my own magical world of imagination pondering on my options of finding Peter Pan's 'Neverland'.

First of all, twinge suggests pain, not excitement. I'm guessing you meant a tinge of excitement, which means just a modicum of excitement. There is a dangerous element to this paragraph: immaturity, and it's all to easy to fall into this trap when talking about your childhood like this. You should talk in a way that you maturely reflect back on your experience. One way would be to remove the mermaids, princesses, and dream lands: maybe you can replace it with "When I could question him no longer about his knowledge of the fanciful stories..."

I would also highly recommend that you don't refer to imagination as a "magical world."

I'll comment later on the other parts but this first paragraph already irks me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 3, 2009   #4
No one could answer why street children had to beg standing in the pouring rain while I could sit comfortably in a car, on my way to school.

This is a powerful sentence! Great imagery. Can you make it say "answer why street children of (name of the city or country) had to..." that will make it better.

My queries always brought compliments from elders, but... no one could possibly pinpoint for me the assurances explain such discrepancy, and people of my age considered my worries to be of no relevance.

Wow, I love this essay. It takes us through your process of growing up, discovering pain in the world, and entering law to be a fighter for human rights. This is great.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Apr 3, 2009   #5
Your general approach to this essay is strong, especially the first half. The second half could be improved by discussing what you hope to accomplish by studying law, specifically. What field within the legal profession do you intend to go into? If you plan on becoming a lawyer, what sort of law do you plan to practice? How would this make you a responsible citizen? And so on. This would be more convincing than simply saying you want to get into the legal profession to make a difference, although it is good that you at least list specific issues that concern you.
vistasad - / 7  
Apr 7, 2009   #6
You have worked as an intern in a law firm. Bring out your learning with respect to law during that period. Link it to how it further fuelled your desire to work in this field.


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