Personal Statement for maths; "prime numbers are the very atoms of arithmetic"

Hey, this is the 2nd draft of my personal statement, i wish to do mathematics at university prefereably warwick / royal holloway. i am having lots of difficult adding extra amazing bits as my writting enlish is not upto scratch. can some1 please help me out :(

In the early stages of my Mathematical understanding I learnt the very basic that prime numbers are only divisible by one and its self, little did I know that "prime numbers are the very atoms of arithmetic" as Marcus du sautoy illustrates in The Music of Primes.

I was given the school Mathematician award in secondary school for my interest and enthuse towards maths and for being the only individual to sit maths GCSE early. For this I studied for myself, which developed my skill of independent learning where I was not relying on others. Statistics was an extra GCSE that further developed my independent study skills.

I have particularly enjoyed my Maths and further Maths A level course, as I need to use a logical approach to problem solving of calculation involving calculus to understanding the concept of complex number. Numbers and formulas would play about in my head whilst I am asleep. Revising for my maths exams would not feel like a burden and the exams would be like an event to anticipate. I admired maths and the challenges it bought me from a young age, my achievement showed me that it was also my main strength that I want to further study on.

My other A level courses are also science based: Chemistry and Economics. They both complement my subject of Maths.

I have a high interest in economics I regularly read The Times and The Economist to keep up to date with the news especially now with the credit crises and its the impact on our economy.

I have looked into a wide range of careers that's a Mathematics degree can lead to, my main objective is to go into the financial field. I spent two days last year at Merrill Lynch Financial Centre where I was shown around the different aspects of an investment bank. I have been spending a day at a primary school guiding the Mathematically able pupils to solve challenging problems.

On top of my A levels I spend my Saturday at my local community centre tutoring young teenagers. For doing this I have achieved my 200 hour millennium volunteering award and currently working towards my 500 hour award. This helps me meet a wide range of people and enabled me to develop my communication skills.

As well as enrolling in the guardian angel to help support a new year seven student settle into school.
I am an enthusiastic individual towards the school community, I decided to give something back as it has made me more mature as a person. I helped out with many parents evenings and open evening, I built upon my communication skills.

My expertises in being organised are shown by my time management skills. I volunteer myself for local events in my borough such as fundraisers and, this is helped by the fact that I was the head of the social committee in school where I organised many events as the year seven disco and school prom

Whist undertaking my silver Duke of Edinburgh expedition, I was the team captain. My current job is a sale operative in a call centre. I have also worked as a sales assistant at the Emirates stadium on match days.

I could have gone to university last year, but I did not feel satisfied with leaving school with just two a levels and two as that was not my full potential.