Hi Everyone...!! I am applying for Msc in global health science from oxford university.They require statement of purpose...plz suggest to make my proposal better ...any comments and suggestions are most welcome. There are no word limits but it has to be only one page.It is my first ever writing...so,here it goes...
I was always fascinated by human biology because I grew up in a family environment of health professionals. Which further enhanced my interest for health and nutrition, epidemiology and medicine . Therefore Bachelors in Pharmacy was the best course, as it covers all the major subjects which I found interesting.
It was a bright Monday morning when I entered XYZ University to pursue undergraduate studies in Pharmacy. Everyone was full of enthusiasm and was looking forward for the beautiful college life. But, something unusual caught my eyes. It was the sight of the closed gates of a hospital with the "Fatima Care" board on it. The unusual silence remained a puzzle for me until my fifth semester. As, a part of our Community Pharmacy subject we got training in the same hospital. There I met many terminally ill patients. These patients were abandoned by their families ,some have financial issues, some does not have loved ones who could take care of them while some were willingly left by their families .During my training in Fatima Care I discovered that I can perfectly carry a profession in Public Health. Therefore Community Pharmacy subject which almost covers all the major aspects of public Health became my most cherished subject. The deadly silence in that hospital touched me so much to choose Public Health as a core subject for further studies
I have not only excelled academically, but also developed my interpersonal skills by participating in many extracurricular activities. I participated in interstate seminar in the year 2006 on the topic ABC. In the year 2007 I won second prize in inter college competition held during annual Technical and Cultural Festival-FIESTA in XYZ University. I always love sharing my ever growing ideas on different aspects of medicine, pharmacy and Public Health. Therefore, I participated in poster presentations, technical writing, science quizzes, cultural events and won many prizes at college level. I posses very good leadership qualities also. ThereforeI was appointed as the student co-ordinator of my faculty to conduct various programmes related to Art, Science, Drama and Technology at our annual University festival and also an interstate level Pharmacy Festival called Rx-Festival.
After completing my graduation I worked at a Nursing Home as a Hospital Pharmacist. There I learnt how to interact and communicate with patients, preparing reports on individual case, monitoring epidemics and preparing documents and suggesting possible ideas which could be implemented for the prevention of diseases and therefore the betterment of the Public Health.
As a part of my long term goals, I aspire to pursue doctorate in the same field, that would allow me to conduct research on infectious disease and its prevention. Each working day, I witnessed patients with different medical cases. I was presented with another important aspect of public health: The art of disease prevention. By concentrating efforts on prevention, the potential diseases, emotional stress and cost of the treatment will be greatly reduced.
Since, Oxford University is the universal name of historical academic excellence. Therefore I believe that MSc in Global Public Health at Oxford University will enable me to develop the knowledge and skills necessary to successfully design, implement and evaluate mental, sexual, physical health prevention research which target almost every age group of population. I feel that graduate study at Oxford will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits and a major step towards achieving my objectives.
I am a student with the intellectual capacity and the passion and commitment to excel at your program
Guys I am still waiting for your grades on my post... any response will be appreciated...!!
Though (no comma here) others did not noticed it (no full stop)IBb eing inquisitive, it caught my immediate attention.
It was the closed gates of some hospital with "Fatima Care" board on it... here there is an issue because "it" refers to gates which is plural. Try;
It was the sight of closed gates of a hospital with a name board "Fatima Care".
I can clearlycould very well sense the unusual silence behind it.
It remained a depressing story until my third year of graduation [i]..---------- You dont clearly say why you felt it that way about this hospital. I think you should say something about it to create a link to why you felt so .[/i]
Thanks for your corrections...is this good enough to submit as a SOP? ...or should I change my essay?...plz suggest... how would u rate it ?
your intention is good, but for some minor errors in the composition of the essay. Then I feel you should state your major specialization and how prepared you are for this task. Though you have said a little about your hobby/extra-curricular activities, but you have to state them in a well documented form. Try surfing the internet for samples on related field and I am sure you will get the scope of how to write an SOP. All the best.
Hi Uri,
Sorry about the delay in my response. In my personal view, the SOP should include the facts such as why you are inspired to follow the course you are applying for, why you prefer that particular university, what background you come from, what experiences and knowledge you possess, how this course would help you in future etc. etc.
So, in your SOP you almost consume three para's to tell the selectors why and how you got inspired to pursue further studies in your field of interest and very little is told about other factors. I feel you need not to be that descriptive about the Fatima story though it creates an important entrance to your SOP. I mean you should include it in your SOP to show them the reason behind your particular interest in the field of study and also to add some emotional feelings to your writing that would make it a great SOP. But try to trim it down by eliminating the less important details and keep it slim and interesting to the reader.
Also I find there are grammer issues in your SOP. But I would suggest you to re do this and re-post to the forum so that I will try to help you with editing, by correcting those mistakes at my best ability. You may get help from others too.
Pls pay attention to what Oladapo has commented too because I feel his comments are very valid in order to improve your SOP.
Thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions...I am working on it..will try to repost it as soon as poosible.
