Hi all,
I intend to major in Physics at UK. There is no prompt for the personal statement. My senior told me that basically I need to blow the horn as loud as I can because admission officers in UK only look for the creme de la creme and pay no particular attention to anything else beyond the academic context. I find this very weird and try to put my personality into the essay as much as I can.
This is my first rough draft. I know that the last 3 paragraphs need to be more incoherent. Any suggestion? Please check for grammatical/expression error and comment as harsh as possible. I really appreciate your help. Thank you in advance.
Do you know that you can extract things out of our imaginary plane by multiplying them with the imaginary number? Think of getting Harry Potter's magical wand real by multiplying it with i. However, such fantasy can be nerve-wracking during the selection test. Right now I have to bypass this annoying expression sinh{pi/2}=0.521095. Clearly, the real roots of my auxiliary equation indicate a simple harmonic motion with maximum velocity occurs at pi/2. Intuitively, the solution must be something simple as Physicists detest irrational numbers. They are rational people. Had Einstein's famous equation been E=mc2.001, the world we live in would be a disastrous place.
I scratch my head in frustration.
I lock a few people in my Hyperbolic space.
I multiply them by i.
I franticly look through my 3 pages of solving differential equation again and again. What is wrong with my simple harmonic motion? 5 minutes before time ends, I realize sine function is actually spelled sin{}.
Sin{pi/2}=1!
At times like this, I almost scream out that I will never do Physics again. However, deep down in my heart, I know that this is what I am going to do for the rest of my life. Theoretical Physics has played an indispensable role in my life. I find Physics a fascinating subject as it is the foundation of all science; a science that predicts nature using equations and laws. It amazes me how celestial movements are governed by Newton's simple gravitational law, how every electricity and magnetism phenomenon can be explained using only Maxwell's set of four equations. Having been acquainted to Physics since young age, it shapes every corner of my central dogma. I believe in that everything is governed by a law and it must be as beautiful as equations that represent it.
Two months after the test, I feel a burst of elation on learning that I had clung Honorable Mention for the Olympiad, placing me among the top Physics students in Singapore. Most of my achievements, however, lie in research. If anybody told me that Physics geeks are only capable of blowing up teacher's desk, I took it as a challenge. I have worked on 3 research projects, one on virtual simulation of Physical world, one in the field of electronics engineering, and one in nanomaterial fabrication. The first project won the merit award in the Science Mentorship Program and was presented at the Inaugural Independent Science Research Congress. The 2nd project was a finalist at the Singapore Science and Engineering Fair (SSEF) 2008. My ongoing third project has a promising future in mass production of metamaterial that can bend light and generate invisibility. To me, doing research is immensely rewarding, realizing the fact that each of my discovery has never made known before truly gratifies my inquiry spirit of science.
Student leadership is something that I am very passionate about. I have taken up various leadership positions, such as Vice President of Venture Scout club, team leader for humanitarian expedition, among others. In addition, I was also a freelance pianist and have organized a concert with the theme of "From zero to infinity". I believe that my leadership ability in a culturally diverse environment has instilled me a keen awareness of different perspectives, which has helped develop my versatility and my ambition to embrace a new environment with confidence.
Being a scholar in a mathematics and science school has fueled my zeal and knowledge of physical world. If you pose me a question about loveliest thing to do in life, surely I would say it is to formulate my own world using set differential equations and laws.
I know that the last 3 paragraphs need to be more incoherent.
I think you mean "more coherent."
Theoretical Physics has played an indispensable role in my life.
Hmmm... How about "foundational" or some similar word instead of "indispensable," which isn't quite right?
Student leadership is something that I am very passionate about.
This is a weak sentence, because of the "is" -- "I feel passionate about..." would be the more vivid way to say it -- and also is a jumpy transition.
It's not so much that the last paragraphs are incoherent as that they have nowhere near the same specificity and character as the charming introduction. See if you can't find a way to return to that voice for the conclusion.
I think your writing style is extremely engaging - and whilst I like the way you framed your introduction, I'm not sure it's necessary. I'm sure potential tutors and lecturers are fluent in understanding imaginary planes - so your opening question 'Do you know that you can extract things out of our imaginary plane by multiplying them with the imaginary number?' might be redundant. Maybe you could alter it to become a statement. 'We can extract things out of our imaginary plane by multiplying them with the imaginary number. Think of getting ... &etc.' although I can see how that's not as punchy.
Apart from that qualm (which is probably just personal taste), a great personal statement - a good balance between anecdote and stringent academic qualities you possess and have demonstrated. Where are you applying to?
I like the idea behind the introductory paragraph...only it is a wee bit confusing.
Think of getting Harry Potter's magical wand real by multiplying it with i
Did you mean - Ever think about turning Harry Potter's magical wand real - by multiplying it with "i" ?
What is "i" by the way?
The rest as the others said is - charming :-)
I had clung Honorable Mention
Not sure about the use of the word - clung
You might need to check your grammar too - simple things like missing out on articles or use of unnecessary ones - the, an, a etc
Your last two paragraphs though not "incoherent" seem to have no connection whatsoever to the previous ones. You could try to link your desire for leadership roles to your pioneering zeal and your eagerness to go where no man/woman has gone before.
The last line/paragraph needs a drastic makeover!
