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Personal statement regarding high school struggle, major and my future career.


jsaint 1 / -  
Jan 28, 2011   #1
Looking at my final report card my junior year and seeing a D for the first time ever in my life happened to be very upsetting. Even though it was a tough subject, (pre-calculus) this event in my life has taught me that not everything in your life goes your way. However it's how you handle those situations that make you who you are. The following year I decided to retake the complex course in hopes of improving significantly to aid my GPA. My perseverance and encouragement from my peers has contributed to the improvement of my grade of a B for the first term of my senior year.

This journey through high school has enlightened me and furthermore has helped me grow into something that I would never expect to be. At times I just sit and think about the endless ramblings going on in my head. One question that haunted me throughout my early years of high school was, "What Am I going to do after high school?" I thought about this question all the time, and for I awhile there was no answer.

During my senior year in my accounting class we were honored by a guest speaker, he was an assistant financial manager at one of the Hilton hotels. He informed us about the job, from performing financial reports to handling audit and tax matters. I paid attention to every word he said, knowing that this could potentially be in my future. With every detail he explained, I remembered back at a particular time in class learning about the duties of his job. The real world is right there behind all the note and test taking, I'm ready for what the future holds. The great education that I have received throughout the last couple of years has made me extremely confident heading into college and majoring in Finance.

Starting from a young age, the field of Business has really intrigued me. The range of topics studied are infinite, there will always be something new to learn. My interest in business revolves from the fact that there are so many outcomes embraced in this subject. As of right now I'm ahead of the game, currently on my 4th year of accounting and truly enjoying it. All of this knowledge gained in school will give me that boost to move further on in my life, moving past more obstacles and adding to my achievements.

The achiever, thinker, learner that's the student I strive to be at all times, taking AP/honors courses to prepare for the rigorous college classes that are waiting for me. Upon passing my AP World History and AP US History exams, I knew I was academically qualified to explore the challenges in my future. Being successful in school is the most important thing for me at this moment in time and I plan on making the most of my education in pursuit of my dreams of being a Financial Manager.

ayotal 3 / 7  
Jan 29, 2011   #2
This is good, and while I think it addresses the items listed in your title prompt, I think it could benefit from a more personal sound to it and perhaps a less clerical tone.

"Looking at my final report card my junior year and seeing a D for the first time ever in my life happened to be very upsetting. Even though it was a tough subject, (pre-calculus) this event in my life hasyou do not need to change tenses here taught me that not everything in yourrepetition --> life goes your way. However it's how you handle those situations that make you who you are. The following year I decided to retake the complex course in hopes of improving significantlyImproving what significantly? You might switch it to say "significantly improving my grade in order to aid my GPA" to aid my GPA. My perseverance and encouragement from my peers has contributed to the improvementPerhaps find a different word so as not to have repetition, since you wrote "improving" in the line before. of my grade of a B for the first term of my senior year.

This journey through high school hasAnother tense change enlightened me and furthermore has helped me grow into something that I would have never expected to be.(Only changing tense because you are speaking in the past of what you would have thought in the future.)At times I just sit and think about the endless ramblings going on in my headYour use of present tense here confuses me. It sounds as though you are reflecting, but immediately following, you write about the past again, and so I would change it to past tense. "At times I sat and thought about the endless ramblings going on in my head" (though, the "endless ramblings going on in my head" part is a little... cumbersome and not smooth) . One question that haunted me throughout my early years of high school was, "What Am I going to do after high school?" I thought about this question all the time, and for IYou don't need this word here. awhile there was no answer."

hth, though its only the first two paragraphs.
May GOD'S Blessings, Favor, and Mercy be upon you, your family, and your situation forever!


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