My name is Mohammad, I'm from Iran,My name is Mohammad, I was born and raised in Iran.
I studied Illustration Computer in Secondary School, I born in 16 September 1989.
Umm I can't think any correlation of Illustration Computer with the whole of the essay (what is illustration computer anyway? Did you mean graphic design?).
and I really love Industrial Design. , I do not know how explain my passion for you maybe it's better I come back to past,My passion to this field of study began when for first time I hearheard about this major , It's back tofor the first time when I was a freshman in high school ,. I had a teacher in there and he studied Industrial Design in college ,.W hen he sawknew that I have passion for create thingsUmm create things? Not very clear... To design and to create is not the same thing in many ways he spoke withto me and tell me about it(what is "it"? too vague).until that's time I think for create new product, for invention, for introduce a new object to the world I should study Mechanics, Chemistry, Physics, Electronic and some major like this majors togetherI didn't get what you mean, consider rephrase it.
Then new para.
soAt first, I was confuse about my way to the future and I just saw darkness. But whenthen I met withgot to know more about Industrial Design and I saw lights in my future.
I don't want my teachers jobs in Iran for my future , I want be a designer not a teacher, I
Owww I feel this is too harsh. Being a teacher is not bad but the point is, you look like you are looking down to teachers! Try something like: I want more. I do not want to be an ordinary human being. I want to contribute to the society with my knowledge and passion by doing something I love; I want to be a designer
also I participate in some awards, national and international competition, I won third place in a national competition and in most of the international competition I went to the finals but unfortunately I didn't win, I believe if I could go their also it was possible I win if I had enough information for design better,
What award? What competitions? Not too clear.
Therefore, I believe that SCAD would be the best place for me to learn and improve myself further.
since factories prefer to produce the copies and some factories just accept you if you are old or famous, so there isn't any chance for some person like me. So I need SCAD to learn me how I can win in awards and markets.
So I need study in SCAD,
Too demanding. Use more polite words.
I really think
s this is the best way forto study industrial design and if you give me this chance you actually give me a clearbright future. you help me made my future, I can't explain my passion with words, so I just want say I believe every thin kg can be happenedcan happen
Your first paragraph is way TOO LONG. Also, too many COMMAS. Break your long sentences into short ones, and if possible, kindly separate them into two or more paragraphs. That will make your essay easier to read.
Instead of telling the whole story of your past, choose just one memorable moment that is related with the major you want to pursue and emphasize it. It's best to go into details instead of just going in the surface.
I wish you luck with your application.