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Personal statement for the scholarship program of Pusan National University (Urban Engineering)

thantsyn 1 / 1  
Apr 30, 2022   #1
This is my personal statement essay for joint scholarship program held by PNU and Gyeongnam Support Center Korea.
I would like you to read my statement and feedback me some tips for better version.
Thank you in advance.

personal statement

I never imagined throughout my life that I would finally discover my dream job which I have been searching for a long time while taking a bus.A few months ago, I was on a bus shuttering from my hometown to Yangon, going to the English academy I attend, which is located in the downtown area of the city. When I glanced out the bus window, the scene was so stunning that I was amazed by the beauty of urban modernization. Unlike my hometown and most of the rural areas of the country, clean city roads,relaxing recreation parks, modern new buildings with unique design and new and well-maintained sidewalks for pedestrians were so alluring to me. At that moment, I started to realize that I have always loved seeing city features such as roads, streets, electricity distribution, public buildings and parks. Suddenly, I began to wonder what if I created these city features I love with my own ideas and hands.This moment made me interested in designing, constructing and maintaining urban infrastructures. Since then, I continually searched for ways to follow my interest and focus on studies about urban engineering, planning and designing.

From 2017 to 2020, I studied as a medical student ,a popular and difficult profession, here in Myanmar. However, ever since I knew what my real dream job is, I looked for chances to learn urban planning, building and maintaining professions as much as possible. Nonetheless, unfortunately, there is no such course related to urban engineering studies, even for a short class or diploma, available in my country. But I did not give up on chasing my dreams. I wondered what else I can prepare which can help me if I get a chance to study urban engineering. As the very first exposure to the engineering field, I started to take an architectural introduction short course via virtual classes. Through this course, I got to know what fundamental knowledge and technical skills are needed to design a project. For instance, we need to learn how to use AUTOCAD properly both in architecture and urban engineering.I also have learnt about foundational theories of architecture such as form, space, order, materials used in constructing a project and also how to communicate with clients as well.I am positive that all of the knowledge I gained from this course will help me a lot in my urban engineering studies in the future at Pusan National University. Through this program, I want to enhance my problem-solving skills by seeking, specifying and actually applying desired resolutions to many problems associated with rapid urbanization and population explosion in cities, such as shortage of accommodation, available land, water and drainage issues, traffic issues, and the overpopulation of cities.Since this course provides an opportunity to develop the insights, knowledge and technical skills needed to deal effectively with the challenges of contemporary urban life, I am assured that it will effectively help me to develop myself for becoming a skilled and brilliant urban engineer.

Why South Korea? South Korea has innovative and efficient smart cities like Seoul. Early 2020, the World Bank hosted its 3rd Korea Smart City Study Tour, allowing the participants to have a chance to learn from the Korean smart city experience - in smart mobility, smart waste and energy, smart citizenry, and smart public space.

For example, Seoul successfully transformed its transportation into smart mobility by introducing its people advanced Intelligent Transport System (ITS) technology and Bus Management System (BMS) in 2003.After that, the share of bus and subway riders bounced back to almost 70% and that of car users remained less than 30%.All of these factors motivated me to study my career,urban engineering, in South Korea.

Additionally, Korea has already got me interested with its wonderful culture and entertainment which have made Korea known as the land of Kpop and K-dramas. I started learning Korean about one year ago. I am currently at the end of level 3 class and able to communicate in Korean language fluently on a daily basis.Although I don't have a TOPIK certificate because TOPIK exams were cancelled in the last two years due to pandemic conditions, I am positive that I can obtain TOPIK level 2 and above. Studying Korean passionately will benefit me to be fluent in Korean so that I will not encounter any difficulty in communicating with Korean people.

I am very delighted to find this joint scholarship program which encourages me to seek a better education for the purpose of fulfilling my dreams. The knowledge and experience I can get in Korea will be priceless. I believe studying in Korea will enable me to broaden my academic knowledge focusing on urban engineering so that I could implement it in my country and enable my craving to participate in transforming Myanmar cities into more efficient, resilient as well as more livable and enjoyable ones. As interest makes learning easier, I am optimistic that I will become not only an outstanding scholar but also a powerful tool for the world, especially for my local society. After all, this scholarship program will be a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to learn about the field of study I love as well as serving as a bridge to reach my future goal of building up innovative, inclusive and resilient Myanmar cities which are joyful, relaxing and enjoyable as well.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
Apr 30, 2022   #2
Show a proper development of your interest in Urban Engineering. A simple bus ride cannot result in a life changing, but unpursued until recently, interest in such a complicated course. No reviewer is going to believe that. An applicant must effectively show the development of an interest and how the pursuit of this interest was done, reaching the current point of application. That development is not included in this essay. The idea behind it is too simple and unbelievable.

Do not tell the reviewers about the accomplishments of Korea with regards to urban development. Rather, show how these connect with your vision for developing your home city instead. By using parallelisms or visualizing how you can help your city progress through your exposure to Korean urban development, you should be able to portray a need to learn directly from the Korean experts.

It will be better to revise the total essay with a focus on the targeted accomplishments of the applicant upon his return to his home country. That will introduce him as a visionary and innovator to the reviewers, something that could be notable with his application.
OP thantsyn 1 / 1  
May 1, 2022   #3
Thanks for your detailed feedback.
I will try to revise it again.

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