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Personal Statement- (Victoria Junior College).

abbiebubble 2 / 3  
Oct 5, 2008   #1
Here's the question.

Please provide a personal statement in not more than 500 words, based on the following 2 questions:
1. Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

2. State your reason(s) for applying to VJC (Victoria Junior College).

I was wondering how i should start the essay. I know that the most vital part is the first paragraph. It is asking for many things only on the first question.

Can i get advices on how to i should start and how i should i answer all those questions in the essay?

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 5, 2008   #2
Good morning.

I suggest creating a rough draft first by just answering the questions. Think about the first one; choose one of those qualities and how you could best illustrate it. How are you a better person because of it? Would you be where you are now had it not happened? Then move on to the second question; why do you want to go to this specific institution?

Once you have the questions more or less answered, you can then move on to fine tuning the piece.

Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP abbiebubble 2 / 3  
Oct 8, 2008   #3
Thank you! I will post it once i'm doing writing it.
OP abbiebubble 2 / 3  
Oct 12, 2008   #4
Here it is.

"Talent does not come naturally, it is built on principles."- My maestro once quoted. I was in the Philippines attending an orientation for my voice training. My sole purpose of appearing before her was to improve my ability to sing. That quote was the first thing the maestro stated when she entered the room. "Call me coach" she said next. And the class commenced.

Throughout the commencement, the maestro's words were in my thoughts frequently because I sensed a contradiction to what I long believed; talent comes naturally, it is the skill that we build. However, upon the completion of my training, I have learned to acknowledge the maestro's theory. I was taught the importance of a few principles in voice development, but discipline is what I focused on the most because I was already familiar with the other principles; technique, connection and self-confidence. Discipline is the key to maintaining a strong, crisp and clear voice quality. In fulfilling this aspect, I had to eat right and avoid mannerisms. It was only through disciplining myself that the habit had diminished.

Being involved in doing volunteer work in Hong Kong Dog Rescue, I pondered on what could make my stay in the Philippines more meaningful. So, as an alternative to visiting shelter kennels, I, along with my elder sister and her two pugs visited places stricken by poverty. It was a far cry from our origin but we gained the opportunity to witness the lifestyle of the less fortunate people. The area was an old, abandoned railway. I regarded from the vehicle and saw a whole community of squats along the rails. Immediately after I set off from the car, children surrounded me and patted the dogs.

I strolled around the place and the atmosphere was filled with joy. Despite their crisis, they are joyful and contentment is seen in their faces.

Upon returning home, my experiences have reflected on myself. Having witnessed the lives of people living happy though in poverty has made me contented and optimistic. From the training, I gained an even stronger determination and self-discipline.

With a renewed sense of purpose, I believe that applying to VJC will allow me to discover and hone my innermost talents. I am determined to shape up my future and through this institute; I believe I will be provided a stepping stone.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 12, 2008   #5
Good morning.

You've got a good start here. A couple of things:

First, it seems like two different essays on the same page. Think of a way to link the two subjects together to make the essay more fluid. Second, I suggest taking a quick refresher on basic rules of punctuation and usage. Prentice Hall has a great series called "The Prentice Hall Guide for College Writers" and I think it can help you on this; there are I think six editions right now, and any of them will work magnificently. Stephen Reid writes them, and you can pick them up cheap used, or usually find them in the library.

Good luck!

Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP abbiebubble 2 / 3  
Oct 12, 2008   #6
I will keep those mind! Thanks so much!

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