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A personal statement (within 300 words) explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school

yeasir 1 / 1  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
While looking for higher studies, I found all the same and monotonous. The dilemma continued. In 2003 when the Bangladeshis had been celebrating the National Victory Day, there was another news to celebrate. We made Guinness world record at the "Largest Human Flag" by 27,117 people standing with the placards for five minutes. I was there, standing and sang the National Anthem. I felt the unity and diversity of different schools. My hunt began for greater opportunities. Some institutions I opted for which makes education a force to unite people, nations and cultures for peace and a nice future.

I came across UWC's website. Experience to a diverse community, International and intercultural understanding with mutual responsibility and respect-all these I expected. UWC will develop a sense of idealism by embracing personal challenge lead by action and personal example. So, I must join UWC.

Contribution to UWC, I remember distributing the winter clothes through my school. So I can organize and perform charitable works in UWC I might act with compassion and serve for the community. The volunteering help to the autistic children will lead me the same. When the world stood against the Terrorism, we made a Human Chain against Terrorism.

I must be able to unite the people, nations and cultures through experience. Eyes will be opened to see what is happening other than looking through the newspapers. I will learn something which remains forever. I can share the key social issues to the multidimensional community. Charitable pursuits can be explored. I will have the sense of responsibility, the ability to overcome the physical and mental challenge in new environment. I will learn how to live and work in different culture, the value of cross cultural collaboration. Finally, I want to achieve the mindset, everything is possible through dedication.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,397 4385  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Yeasir, the more impressive UWC personal statements are those that actually work towards tying in the core values of the college with their own personal and traditional beliefs. UWC looks for a deeper meaning in the action of their students because they desire to admit only those who can embody and help promote their college values. Have you bothered to look up these values on the website? The information is readily available there.

Use the information in the proper manner. Opt for at least 3 values that you have in common with UWC. Discuss how you embody these in essay form and make sure to contribute an idea as to how you can help further heighten the promotion of the said values while being a student there. The contribution should be implementable either as part of the student community, or the community at large.

The essay that you wrote is not very clear in this aspect. In fact, it sounds confusing and lacks proper development in terms of the paragraph essence. You don't have to relate that story about the flag creation at the beginning of the essay. In a word limited essay, you should avoid long introductions and instead, focus on the immediate presentation of your facts and information.
OP yeasir 1 / 1  
Nov 8, 2016   #3
I've re-framed the essay and it is given bellow for the further criticism.

Naturally, I am a curious girl. I want to know how the world is really look like. I heard about UWC first time in 9th Grade from my father. I wish to experience things from various perspective to implement those in my life rather than preparing myself for examinations. UWC allows me to be a global citizen where I shall have the opportunity to mingle with different people from the globe and know about various cultures. I want to see the wide-world, experience new thing and grab the opportunity to acquire knowledge outside my comfort zone. This would be a rare scope for a Bangladeshi citizen like me to be a part of such a versatile community where I would be able to represent my motherland. UWC will educate me to be more aware of other cultures and beliefs and will help me to increase my acceptance.

If I get admission to UWC, I shall share my values, cultures and ideas with others and exchange thoughts. In the global village with complex challenges of ideas and beliefs, I think togetherness and understanding will give the better solutions. We can make a bright change together by embracing different communities. The words of Mahatma Gandhi "Be the change you want to see in the world", inspires me to step ahead and prepare myself for betterment. I can contribute in making my country and the world a better place.

I hope for wonderful experiences with people from all over the world and learn something which is going to stay forever. Exploring knowledge will be my greatest achievement. I hope to explore ambitions and expectations. I shall expose myself to a variety of cultures. I shall stand in the crowd as an individual and introduce my background.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,397 4385  
Nov 8, 2016   #4
Yeasir, you mentioned that you first heard about the UWC from your father. It would be beneficial to your essay if you tell the reviewer what you heard about the UWC from your father and how that impacted your mind. Was this part of the reason why you desire to attend UWC? Sometimes, knowing that a parent had a desire for you to have a better future, and hoping that UWC can help you achieve that works to your benefit. It does not work all the time. In this case though, I feel that the mention of your father and his interest in UWC deserves more than a mere one sentence mention. It may have some strong bearing on your application. You can never tell.

The rest of the essay is interesting enough to read. You have developed a pretty simple discussion regarding your interest in enrolling in UWC. If you can link the changes that you hope to bring for the women of Bangladesh with the objectives and mission of UWC, I believe the essay would become even stronger and more appealing to the reviewer.

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