'The stench was intense' - LEHIGH UNIVERSITY (personal statement)

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

The stench was intense. The chaos and noise around me was not helping to relieve my inward groan as I walked around the hospital. This was my third day as a volunteer in the community hospital and I could already think of a million more pleasing ways to spend my time. I loved the idea of helping people but I could not get past the way hospitals made feel. Just then, I bumped into the head doctor of the hospital. Mr. Bakare was a very tall and highly intimidating man who did not tolerate lazy behavior. The volunteers were very important to him, as the hospital was highly understaffed for its number of patients. As I apologized for blinding stepping into his way, he looked up and smiled. It was obvious that he had developed an interest in me over the few days that I had been working and decided to make me his personal apprentice; a choice that wasn't particularly pleasing. "You are going to be helping me with HIV testing for the next few days" said Mr. Bakare. Thinking back now, those few days with Mr. Bakare completely changed my life. As a child who was raised in a very African setting, I am constantly aware and exposed to the hardships that the people of Nigeria as well as other African countries face every single day. The people's health is no exception. Nigeria has a significantly high rate of HIV and I knew I had to prepare myself for the worst while working with Mr. Bakare. For the next few days I served as Mr. Bakare's eyes and ears as I shadowed him around the hospital. Interacting with these patients at such an intimate level gave me a rare insight into their lives. I began to develop personal relationships with the patients, one of whom was a seven year old boy who became HIV postive as a result blood transfusion of blood that had been previously infected. Although, I have lived in Nigeria all my life, I realize that I am very lucky to have been brought up by parents who are educated (a trait that is surprisingly rare) and have made my life somewhat comfortable. This however made me regrettably blind to the predicament of the people around me. Interacting with the patients and learning about their lives gave me a better sense of awareness and somberness for the hardship that people face everyday. I was able to meet people from all works of life who are just victims of my country's corrupt government and rulers. I believe that my experience as a volunteer in the community hospital has impacted me positively and made me a better person. Today, I continue to dedicate my life to working with teenagers like me who are unfortunately HIV positive by utilizing the education which I have am so privileged to receive to impact their lives and provide them with the opportunity to learn which I believe, every child deserves.

the way hospitals made me feel.


As I apologized for blindly stepping into his way


transfusion of blood (the repetition of "blood" is slightly awkward)


Although I have lived


Remember: show, don't tell! It's clear that this experience has impacted you positively and that you are a better person because of it, so you don't need to state that.


opportunity to learn, which I believe every child deserves.

Other than those things, I think this is a great essay! I think it's awesome that you were able to have this experience and that you used your advantages to help others. I think colleges will find that a good thing as well. You may want to think about how you end your essay though, especially if you take out the essay about it making you a better person.

Thanks!