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A step to bring me closer to Harvard World Model United Nations 2020

agungprwr 1 / 1  
Aug 18, 2019   #1

the world-class conference

Way before the United Nations was founded, there was a similar international organization called the League of Nations. They held the first student-led Model League of Nations in the 1920s which was then transitioning as what we know now, Model United Nations (MUN), right after the formation of the United Nations in 1945.

Model UN aims to educate students about current events, global issues, diplomacy, and the United Nations agenda. Mainly, it provides an academic simulation of the United Nations where students play the role of delegates from different countries and attempt to solve real-world issues with the policies and perspective of their assigned country. Hence why, it requires the students to show the most skills in negotiating, public speaking, paper/resolution writing, and diplomacy. Generally, those necessary skills are the main expected result to be build up from the delegates rather than the actual UN simulation itself.

In the coming year, one of the most prestigious Model UN, Harvard World Model United Nations, will be held in Tokyo, Japan. I encourage myself to take part in this World MUN 2020, as I am fully aware that by taking part in this world-class conference, would give me beyond-expectation experiences, for instance, I would have the opportunity to do speech in an international forum, meet and create network with 2000+ students from over 110 countries, and have the chance to win an award, that is insanely incredible! Moreover, this experience would increase my quality and value as a young individual and yet shows me a whole new perspective about the world around me that keeps me humble and down to earth as a world citizen. Besides, this opportunity might be my only chance. This chance, for sure, makes me feel excited about the outcome that I might acquire if I got chosen as one of the delegates from Djarum Foundation.

I envision myself at the conference, talking about the world issue that I most concerned about, it is education. The reason is basic, I believe that every generation has the chance to shape the world, but the challenges we faced today are more complex than ever before. And yet everywhere, education systems are leaving young people unprepared to deal with the pace of Economic, Social and Technological change. The world is defined by the people who live in it, by these being said, the better future that we envision today can be only shaped by our children and by the education alone, we can prepare them to be the world change-makers.

As a young individual that have experienced multiple organization roles and international social projects, I have learned to communicate effectively in a diverse environment so I can engage and empower others to achieve a bigger purpose. I have learned more about myself and utilize my strengths to overcome my weaknesses. I have learned that I can make a difference in my surrounding. I have learned to be more adaptive and shows my resilience in the face of challenges, therefore, I can be more positive throughout the uncertainty. I believe I will be a great delegate of Djarum Foundation, for the reason that, I have the critical thinking and I am capable to drive my passions and beliefs into actions that necessary for me as an individual and this program.

I can contribute my abilities to elevate program processes in the training with other selected delegations, and with any luck, will bring HWMUN awards back home in the name of Indonesia and Djarum Foundation. I am experienced in the many areas related to these Model UN goals; including United Nations agenda. For example, I contributed to a social project related to SDGs 4 in Poland earlier this year, in which I helped educate approximately 21.000 students from 18 places of work, 15 cities, and 43 days with 11 other volunteers from various countries. Essentially, we taught the students English and encourage them to have a cross-cultural understanding. My organizational background, with my abilities to think globally, plan and execute it with the team, will help facilitate the elevation that I mentioned above.

I put my trust and belief that with this essay my personality and behavior was able to shine through and show.

This is a real great intention of mine to be part of the program and without doubt, I am confident to say that I am ready to take the first step, to become the delegation of International Exposure by Djarum Foundation in Harvard World Model United Nations 2020.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Aug 18, 2019   #2
Welcome! I hope you're doing well. I'll be providing you feedback on this written work to hopefully assist you in writing.

The introductory portion of your essay is quite odd because of its structure. I recommend simplifying the text in order to inculcate more of an organized writing technique throughout. If you do this, you'll be able to see more meaning. This includes, of course, adding a more solidified thesis statement at the very beginning instead of a random blabber about the topic. This will create a clearer pathway for your essay.

The flow of the second paragraph (and other succeeding ones) is also quite messy. There wasn't an intent and direction with the introductory sentence and the last sentences. I suggest revising to create a more sophisticated writing approach.
OP agungprwr 1 / 1  
Aug 18, 2019   #3
Hey Maria, nice to meet you!
I agree the thesis statement will sound more convincing! Thanks! I will try my best to adjust the essay with your feedback ;)

I think I need to put this flow that i need to follow too, to give a little bit more background about this essay.

An essay written in English of 1 to 1.5 A4 pages, typed single-spaced with Arial font, size 12pt, addressing the following questions:
1. What do you know about Model United Nations?
2. What motivates you to take part in WorldMUN 2019?
3. What one global issue do you find most pressing today, and why?
4. Why should Djarum Foundation choose you as a delegate?
5. What and how will you contribute to the Djarum Foundation delegation if chosen?

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