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'I step into the gym' - Application Prompt #2

Hayleyy5 1 / 2  
Nov 22, 2011   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

As I step into the gym, I see chalk fill the air. I know that another hard day of practice is about to begin. The pain, the sweat, and the occasional tears are just a few of the many promises that the sport of gymnastics makes to a gymnast.

Gymnastics is nothing close to being easy. Every single move you make, from your head down to your toes needs to be "perfect". However, perfection is practically impossible to obtain, but in the sport of gymnastics its one thing we strive for. They say that practice makes perfect, however even with the nine hours a week of practice, perfection is still almost impractical. That never stops me from trying though, for gymnastics has taught me to be disciplined and determined to do better next time.

Gymnastics is an individuals sport, I have learned to depend on myself and that no one else is to blame but me. I had learn at a young age to be responsible so that I don't risk injury for in this sport there are more falls than safe landings. Now that I am starting to coach young children, I see how important responsibility really is.

**im not finished but i would like advice on if im going in a good direction with this.

mmay 1 / 11  
Nov 22, 2011   #2
A simple grammatical correction:

"I learned at a young age to be responsible..."

and a bit of advice: avoid the informal "you" and "your" in your essay. It makes an essay seem informal and unpolished.

Good luck with the rest of your essay. If you have the time, I would appreciate any help you can provide with my own.

Take care,

OP Hayleyy5 1 / 2  
Nov 23, 2011   #3
I rewrote my essay so can you please leave comments on that one instead
Thank you :)

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