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"stereotypes about women still exist" - Smith college Supplement


IntlIndian /  
Nov 23, 2009   #1
Hey,
I just wrote one part of my Smith Supplement, and I would really appreciate it is someone would read it and help correct grammatical errors and/or improve it and critique it in any way.

Please feel free to tell me that it's a horrible answer and I should re-do it :)
Thankyou so much

Here it is-

When Smith College was founded in 1871, there were few educational opportunities for women. Is a women's college still relevant in 2009? (Limit response to 150 words)

Although times have changed, stereotypes about women still exist. Especially in developing countries, like India, women's career goals are often undermined and they are expected to pay more attention to domestic life. These restrictions often cause a lack of confidence in women, to stand up for what they truly desire. I feel that a women's college will help women gain more confidence and a broader perspective of life, allowing them to graduate as strong, independent role models and leaders in their own right. Since they are given an opportunity to excel without worrying about 'the superiority of men,' they are more likely to emerge with a better overall educational experience. Even with increasing opportunities now being given to women, the trend of Smith women emerging more confident and powerful than women from coeducational universities has convinced me that women's colleges are still relevant.
OP IntlIndian /  
Nov 23, 2009   #2
How did you first learn of Smith College and why are you applying? (Limit response to 100 words.)

'You should consider Smith; it's an ideal place for a determined young woman like you.' I have always known that I want to make a positive difference in the world, so when I was told this, I decided to consider Smith. Through my research, I found that the opportunity to interact with other strong women, the unique housing system, open curriculum, the freedom to explore territories that women are rarely allowed into and most importantly, the absence of stereotypes, would really help me make a difference.

Apparantly it can't exceed 500 characters with spaces. .does this sound okay? Please help me shorten it by 3-5 more words :)
Thankyou

Please review and critique this answer too :)
Fast replies would really be appreciated as I'm running out of time here.
Please help me!
Thanks
:)
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 24, 2009   #3
#1
...lack of confidence in women, to stand up for what they truly desire. No comma here.

I feel that women colleges help women gain more confidence...

#2
...women are rarely allowed into and most...

I think part two would be much better if you mention what you plan to study, and why Smith is the right place for you. Log onto their website and find a particular professor or class you're interested in and write a little about that.

p.s.
Northampton is GREAT!! Great bookstores, live entertainment, a bustling Main Street year round, a perfect 'college town'. Have fun!
OP IntlIndian /  
Jan 5, 2010   #4
hey thanks sent in my essays so i guess you can remove all my posts.. or block them or wtv,,


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