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Sticks and stones - Common App


hslakaal 1 / 2  
Oct 11, 2011   #1
Hi, this was my draft for the common app essay option 4 - Fictional character and influence on you. It would be greatly appreaciated if you could help me review it. No one else is applying to US in my year (I'm a foreign student), and hence no one really knows what's good or bad. THANKS A LOT!!!

Sticks and stones

Christopher John Francis Boone, the creation of Mark Haddon in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, is not devoid of emotions, he just doesn't know how to show or understand it. When he is talking to people, he uses his little cheat sheet of smilies to help him determine the someone's emotions. Despite his lack of empathy, he is mathematically gifted, being able to do complex calculations just in his head. Christopher is what many people call 'special'. In other words, he is autistic, and although it is never stated explicitly in the book, one immediately notices this upon reading his words.

In the process of investigating the murder of his neighbour's dog, Wellington, he learns not to punch people, that not everything has a solution, his mother's location and above all, the killer. It is admiring to see the struggles he goes through the book. However, those are not the reasons to why Christopher inspires me. He inspires me simply because he is who he is, despite what others say.

My friends have, in the past, poked fun at me for being too stoic, for not being social enough, for having small eyes, and so on. I have always brushed their comments aside, laughing as they tease me. However, despite laughing along with them, I would always feel a small tinge of embarrassment inside, thinking that they may be correct, and that I should be ashamed. Christopher is called many things, from "memory man" to "Special Need". But he does not care. He simply says that only sticks and stone can break his bones, that he would use his Swiss Army knife if they punch him. Although I do not quite agree on the knife part, I do wish that I was like him, being able to simply ignore what others say, without fear of repercussions.

Of course, it is much easier for Christopher to be ignorant of what others say. He simply cannot understand the emotional connotations behind them, only taking words at their face value. I do not think it would be possible for me to be that devoid of emotions, nor would it be wise to be so. I do however, feel that being a bit like Christopher, helps people. My fear of being 'hated' for doing something had always plagued me, and reading about Christopher's sometimes silly behaviour has shown me that no one truly 'hates' you, and that was the reassurance I needed to be able to brush aside hurtful comments. Once my mind wasn't worrying about how people view me, I felt much more at peace with myself. I stopped wearing stuff I didn't like, hanging out with people I didn't agree with, and voilŕ, nothing bad happened. In fact, my grades went up, and I became closer with people who did matter.

Perhaps the world would be a better place if we were all indeed 'special' like Christopher.
JessH 4 / 10  
Oct 11, 2011   #2
the someone's

should be "someone's emotions"

just in his head.

would sound better as simply "in his head"

his mother's location

In relation to this,I'm presuming the character's mother is either lost or unknown to him so this phrase would be better as "his mother's whereabouts"

admiring

this should be "admirable"

to why

this should simply read "why".The "to" is not needed.

despite laughing along with them

an alternative phrasing for this could be "even though I laughed with them"

correct

"correct" is too much a clinical adjective for such a subjective piece.Why not go for "right" instead?I think it flows better as well.

He simply says that only sticks and stone can break his bones, that he would use his Swiss Army knife if they punch him.

would sound better as "He simply believes that only sticks and stones can break his bones and threatens to use his Swiss..."

do wish that I was like him

a more grammatically correct phrasing would be "... wish that I were like him"

ignorant of

Ignorant implies he has no knowledge whatsoever of the others' opinions,but it seems to me that he does, he simply chooses to ignore them.So a better term would be "indifferent to"

my mind

This phrase is somehow awkward.It'd be better as "I"
OP hslakaal 1 / 2  
Oct 21, 2011   #3
Thanks!

Just had time to see this in detail.

Man, coming from the UK system, I hate the Common App :)


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