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"the stiffness in cutting the cheese" - u of chicago supplement


kiwii 2 / 3  
Dec 26, 2010   #1
ok...so, i'm not sure if this is...too weird. and please please suggestions? thanks in advance!
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Essay Option 2. Dog and Cat. Coffee and Tea. Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye. Everyone knows there are two types of people in the world. What are they?

Inspired by an alumna of the class of 2006
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We gathered around a round table as we prepared ourselves for the long night ahead of bombastic lecturing and inquiry. I had felt it coming for a while now, continuously manifesting in my tummy, stretching it to an uncomfortable size. I couldn't stand up and leave, I knew that the moment I move, it will be all over, all for nothing.

It was the moment when the nursery seems to have fallen asleep and the adults became more solemn than I thought possible when I felt an end near my abilities. I froze in place concentrating my butt muscles with my best attempt to stop it, yet everything turned out wrong. The sound started just as the air would escape a ballon through a small hole and persisted as time slowed to enjoy making it a good laugh. And I do mean it lasted long, probably 15 seconds continuously. Indifferent, I glanced around as every single one of my friends stared right back at me, making me realize I'd have a better chance uncovering a dinosaur fossil under my foot than try that lame escape. Out of curiosity, a simple boy stammered, "wait...was, was that your stomach?". Yet what was I to respond? To promptly say "no. I farted" was pretty much off the list. I gave a nervous chuckle or two as everyone else erupted in laughs comically while that boy chuckled too and glanced around, looking almost as out of place as I was.

Inevitably, my friend later came to me and said, "you know, you didn't seem to have squirmed that much, when I have to hold it in, it always involves a lot of awkward movement."

So there you have it. There are two types of people in this world: those who can successfully maintain their image in public, and those who fail embarrassingly.
onimpulse 2 / 17  
Dec 26, 2010   #2
My one problem with this essay is that the two "groups" are not identifiable until the last sentence. I think it should be clearer earlier on what two groups you are talking about.

Also, this sounds kind of funny:

We gathered around a round table...

Now, I know it makes sense, but to say "around a round" is sounds slightly awkward.
mikeehnow 3 / 30  
Dec 26, 2010   #3
This was seriously funny! I mean, it's a well written essay on a not-so-common topic, but I'm not so sure if people will approve. It's good and all and you can probably get through with some minor adjustments, but what others will think is a bit strange. I also have a question: How old were you when this happened? You might want to get that in the essay to avoid complications.
OP kiwii 2 / 3  
Dec 26, 2010   #4
thanks for the help!
so...i should put the two types of people in the beginning and nothing in the end? or would a different type of introduction that doesn't directly state it be better?

i do have another one written for another question choice which is more normal...but that one kind of repeats some stuff i wrote for the others essays for chicago so i wanted to see what ppl would think of this one XD

and that happened like when i was 11 or 12 hahaha ya, i should probably mention that in the essay.
anyways, thanks again!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 6, 2011   #5
I like it at the end, but the beginning would be good, too. It is clever to put it at the end, but you have to leave some room afterward for some discussion. You should say the two people are represented by those who would have said, "Yes, it was my stomach," and those who would do what you did. It is only powerful to use humor like this IF you couple it with thoughtful discussion. You have to discuss the two types of people; otherwise it is just a story. Discuss them, and then somehow relate it to your college plans.

Also, use capitalization to begin dialogue:
Out of curiosity, a simple boy stammered, "Wait ...was, was that your stomach?" Yet what was I to respond? To promptly say "No . I farted," was pretty much off the list. I gave a nervous chuckle or two as everyone else erupted in laughs comically while that boy chuckled too and glanced around, looking almost as out of place as I was.

Inevitably, my friend later came to me and said, "You know, you didn't


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