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Why Stony Brooks? "USB is the ideal school for me."


Jd87rh 11 / 55  
Dec 18, 2009   #1
All the information I've received and found has helped me choose Stony Brook as the idea university for me. I feel that the university will help me in pursuing my interest in mathematics and science. I aim to major in biomedical engineering, and the school's strong research centered curriculum would greatly help me gain the necessary knowledge and skills to pursue this major. USB will allow me not only to focus on my goals but also allow me to explore other subjects and interest. Its reputation as one of the best research universities in the nation, reassures me that this is the right choice for me. After speaking to previous and current students I have learned a lot about Stony Brook's courses. I know that the work can be demanding and difficult at times, but I'm eager to work hard and make the most of it. A school is what one makes of it, and I believe Stony Brook's will help me shape my college experience into something that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

Not only does Stony Brook offer the major and courses that I am interested in, but it also has quite a diverse student body. The school's clubs will enable me to meet and work with all these students and teachers. The university holds many of the values I look for in a school and I hope that I can be a part of it. I also love its location. Family is an important thing for me, and attending USB will allow me to visit my family due to it's close proximity to NYC, where my family lives. The distance will also allow me to grow up and to start fresh. USB is just the ideal school for me. Its curriculum, extracurricular activities, location, price, student body, and the many possible opportunities Stony Brooks has to offer me make it the best fit for me.

What do you guys think?
rafeeki92 4 / 7  
Dec 18, 2009   #2
First off, pick a more interesting title, to appeal to the reader. Also, although the content was good, I felt that the writing was too short, and the ending a bit bland. Elaborate more! Short and simple isn't always the answer.
OP Jd87rh 11 / 55  
Dec 18, 2009   #3
It's a short answer essay.
Sorry for not clarifying it!

And thank you so much for helping edit it.
So now that you know it's a short answer. do you think it's good enough?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 21, 2009   #4
Not only does Stony Brook offer the major and courses that I am interested in, but it also has quite a diverse student body.

This sentence sounds a little too much like a brochure... like you had to look at the website or something to come up with ideas...

I think you should focus more on why this school is better than other schools for someone with your interest in biomed. engineering. And in fact, it will be great if you add definition you your specific, inspired approach to biomed engineering -- for example, maybe areas of specific interest to you have been discussed in an article by a prof at this school?


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