Story competition - (significant event in their eraly childhood)

Instructions: You have seen a story in an English magzine. Readers are asked to send in stories about a significant event in their eraly childhood.

Story

When I was quite young, I did something silly one day. Let me start from the beginning.

I was 10 years old and my mom arranged a visit to my uncle's house who used to live near the mountains which are called here in Brazil, Meruoca. Four more people were going with us by Fusca.

We left our hometown after lunch and arrived at 3 p.m. We were taken on a tour around the place. We saw the river, squares and also an under construction house. While my family was looking at it, I chased for occult details. Hence, I found red fruits. Thinking they were acerolas, I took some and ate. And I soon realized they were not acerolas but peppers. I run like a crazy yelling: My mouth is burning! They found me and after laughing, they gave me water and we got back to my uncle's house. They didn't stop laughing.

Angrily, I walked alone. Then, I stopped. I didn't perceive there was someone else nearby until he neighs. Yes, there was a donkey smiling at me!

- He likes you, said my aunt.

All that I wanted! A hot tongue and a donkey boyfriend!

fas.harvard.edu/~wricntr/documents/edit2.html
c4vct.com/kym/humor/collessy.htm
collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/a/college-personal-essay-goth.htm

The introduction was a bit cliche... startiing off with the old, "When I was a girl..." Will send the judger's eye glazing over. I think you could add humor by giving it an overdramatic appearance about how that changed you life forever.

Example, instead of saying, "one time i did this", just jump into it like, "It was searing pain, and an unwanted curse of forbidden love; a tramatic day I won't ever forget."

and then..
"I was 10 years old when my mom arranged a visit to my uncle's house who used to live near the mountains which are called here in Brazil, Meruoca..." and go on from there. Make sure to keep the feeling consistent until the end when the reader finds out its actually a silly situation with dramatic hyperbole. Hope I help spur any ideas!

Oh, thank you so much!
You did help me!