the last paragraph seems a littel awkward````anyway, welcome criticism!!!!
this is my second draft````anyone read it````
After a college tour, an original idea of designing then making our school logo T-shirt gathered Curtis, Helen and me together. Several days later, our passion became a great social practice plan that interesting and beneficial simultaneously: marketing research, selling experiment, and, volume produce!
2500 pieces of questionnaires illustrated that our schoolmates preferred famous brands to be the blank T-shirt where we printed logo. We googled some manufacturers of Nike, Jeanswest and Metersbonwe and called them, but resulted in ridicules on our ignorable demand. So we visited their exclusive stores, in which we still didn't get acceptable discount.
Thus, talks about how much they can discount filled up my whole summer. To persuade them that we deserved a low price, we brought quiet a few reasons, like "we actually propagandized your brand if we use your clothes" or "we will submit bigger orders soon"; we even showed them our proposal to demonstrate how prospective this market can be.
I looked into the manager's eyes, "Will you sell these out in the end of summer, sir?" smiled. "Oh, autumn is coming!" Curtis responded at once. Bargaining table is a place where brains work rapidly, yet fact and reason don't work that well as strategies. Sometimes we push, while we also compromise, like TaiJi. Gradually, with these negotiating experiences, I felt free when dealing with people, and convinced Jeanswest successfully.
Story didn't stop here, but the negotiating experience is already special and meaningful enough to me. My first-time involvement of real world released my braveness and firmness to unknown, as well taught me so much about interpersonal skills, which seemed week before I devoted myself into this plan. Reality is much tougher than I thought, however chances and solutions are also everywhere.
You may already know-- my smile and confident manners finally convinced Jeanswest agency give us 60% discount. Let's go on.
I wasn't actually sure what your "experience" was throughout the essay. You should clarify that a bit more. Also, you should write how the experience impacted you. It should be a bit deeper than Together with learning some strategies on bargaining table, I gradually realized how persuasive I am when dealing with people. in my opinion.
It's a little unclear. I would also change "In Jeanswest, marketing manager received us, however gave no acceptable discount, obviously, because our demand was far from qualified. And the same situation in Metersbonwe." I wouldn't say received us. You can just say cooperated with us
