A story about yourself that you have not already shared in your application

I spent the night inside the Museum of Natural History in New York. I was seven, and my mother surprised me and my brother with the trip.

We arrived at 8 p.m. I brushed my teeth with the SpongeBob toothbrush given to the kids as souvenirs. We threw our shoes off, changed into pj's, and began free roaming the museum sock-footed, Risky-Business style.

Being alone, after hours, in this enormous scene made me feel like I was in the movie, "Night at the Museum". We watched a 3D movie on black holes in the planetarium, the screen on the ceiling. Curled up underneath the stars, I gained a greater knowledge about our place in the universe. Afterward, we explored the dinosaur exhibit in total darkness, using only flashlights. Exhilarating.

We stumbled upon an unmarked door leading to a live butterfly exhibit. Alone, we observed the butterflies dancing around us in their graceful beauty. It was rebellious like the scene from "Willy Wonka", where Charlie and his grandfather sneak into the weightless bubble chamber--the moment was magical.

At "lights out" most slept under the blue whale, but I found a human-sized clam shell that did the job. There I dreamed.

Libby, what is the maximum word count on this response? I believe that you need to add a paragraph that offers a backstory regarding the Night at the Museum that you attended at the age of 7. The reason I am suggesting you do that is because not everyone may be aware of that event being offered by the museum. So, let's assume that the reviewer hasn't heard about it. Just inform him about the purpose of the activity and why your mother thought you would enjoy the activity. That way, when you go on to the presentation of the activity, the reviewer will know the kind of mindset that you had during the activity. Try to share some information regarding what you learned about the museum exhibits as well. If your current major choice is related to the activities at the museum, I mean, if this stay had helped you to develop your interest in your major, then go ahead and state that. If not, you should just relate why this experience was unique and memorable for you. Other than what you have already stated. At the moment, the essay is really one dimensional in presentation and can't interest the reviewer in the way that it should. So adjusting the content should help with that problem.

Thank you so much for this! The maximum count is 200 words, & I am actually at exactly 200. The reason i chose this story is because the movie,"night at the museum" was actually filmed there a year before i went. I guess i didn't do a good job at conveying that though. I want to add stuff, it is just hard since i am limited to a word count. Do you think there is anything that is unnecessary that i should take out & replace with something more eye catching?

Hi Libby, as far as I can tell, you can remove the part that describes the changing into PJ's and related information. You can better enhance the introduction if you add a short explanation as to why your mom gifted you with that stay. Simply saying it was part of the promotion for the movie should be sufficient enough. You don't really have that much word count to play with. You don't have to be very detailed about the activities that you did at the museum. Instead, build on the sentence that explains how you gained a greater knowledge about our place in the universe. Which parts of the exhibit helped you realize that? Just mention one or two. The reference to Willy Wonka can also be omitted in favor of expanding on the "lights out" section. I think the parts you will be removing can actually help free up enough word count for you to be able to better develop the essay. If not, then your only other option would be to write a totally new essay using the new direction I am suggesting.

I changed it a bit..let me know what you think.

Hello, let me give my correction for you

I was seven years old(if you write only seven, the meaning of this sentence is change)

... SpongeBob toothbrush which is given to the kids as souvenirs (you must add connector "which" to connect two sentences together)

we explored the dinosaur exhibitexhibition in total darkness (exhibition is familiar form to add in this sentence)

thank you

@yurikeyuri
Thank you, thank you!