2. Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (2000)
I am a straight-A student.
That's has been my grandiose masquerade ever since I was young. It's quite a blessing and a curse as well. Assumptions and prejudgments often come in the way as people see my transcripts. "What a nerd! I bet she never has time for fun!" "Does she know that she's smart?" I know. I've been told over and over again, but is that who I really am?
It is absurd how people perceive me as this and that when clearly there's a profound soul within each and every individual. Am I supposed to be that introvert girl, sitting in the corner of comfort and restlessly jotting notes down? Or the library sweetheart burying herself in books and assignments (even though I am sincerely fond of reading)? I'm sorry to upset anyone who has such impressions of me, but to be honest, I love...
Justin Bieber! There, I said it! Though I am not as fanatic as the majority of girls out there, I enjoy his music. I couldn't care less about how haters ramble about his imperfections. Who's perfect anyway? My romantic nature is, in fact, provoked by his songs. Admit it, how can you not like that soft first kiss under the mistletoes, the boyfriend who vows to be anything for you, or the love that rises up against all odds? So yes, I will no longer feel ashamed of my obsession for Bieber. Everyone needs their guilty pleasures.
And also...I tend to get excited when it comes to my favorite dishes. The bowl of hot and sour fish soup with mints, chili, and bean sprouts that incites a little burning sensation on my tongue. Or that plate of braised prawn with caramel sauce served on steamed rice, with the spiciness that envelops my mouth with every bite. Luckily for you, I know how to cook all of these dishes and more - I am a swell cook with almost three years of experience (including a year as a student intern in my mom's little kitchen). You are always welcome to grab a bite!
So roomies, enough of my rambling; I'd like to congratulate all of us! We are all going to Stanford this fall, and I can't wait to meet you!
Hello,
First thing...Why would people see your transcript in the first place? Do you walk around with it taped on your back? Aside from your opening paragraph, which borers on narcissism, your essay roommate essay is different and refreshing. I really enjoyed reading the majority of it. I would just try to rephrase the nerd portion and this essay will be a 10/10. -AAO
Hope this helps.
I've revised the first part of the essay. What do you think? Have I improved it?
Please excuse the arbitrary nature of this note!
Before going to any detail, I'm still debating on the perfect place to put this little note. Sticking on the doorway would appear too aggressive, and you might likely just pass it by without noticing. What about your bed? I'm just afraid that it would as well be buried under your luggage. Well, I've made my mind; putting on your desk, where you would spend late nights doing homework or reading your favorite books, might be a brilliant idea. The place even have a comfortable seat for you to sit down and read! I hope you don't mind, but this is what I do. I overthink in the most spontaneous and finicky way.
Aside from that eccentric aspect of me, to be honest, I'm quite ordinary. As a matter of fact, I love...
Justin Bieber! There, I said it! Though I am not as fanatic as the majority of girls out there, I enjoy his music. I couldn't care less about how haters ramble about his imperfections. Who's perfect anyway? My romantic nature is, in fact, provoked by his songs. Admit it, how can you not like that soft first kiss under the mistletoes, the boyfriend who vows to be anything for you, or the love that rises up against all odds? So yes, I will no longer feel ashamed of my obsession for Bieber. Everyone needs their guilty pleasures.
And also...I tend to get excited when it comes to my favorite dishes. The bowl of hot and sour fish soup with mints, chili, and bean sprouts that incites a little burning sensation on my tongue. Or that plate of braised prawn with caramel sauce served on steamed rice, with the spiciness that envelops my mouth with every bite. Luckily for you, I know how to cook all of these dishes and more - I am a swell cook with almost three years of experience (including a year as a student intern in my mom's little kitchen). You are always welcome to grab a bite!
So roomies, enough of my rambling; I'd like to congratulate all of us! We are all going to Stanford this fall, and I can't wait to meet you!
To me the first sentence makes you seem like you are a bit narcissistic. However, your paragraph made me change my mind and I really love how you phrased your sentences. Your grammar seems fine and your whole structure is quite organized-which is great!
My favourite part of the essay is the Justin Bieber bit- I know there's a lot of hate directed towards him, so I admire your bravery for stating it in your essay. I must also commend you for integrating JB's song titles/lyrics into the essay.
Overall, I really really enjoyed your essay, so good luck on your application! :D
P.S please critique my essay for me! >< THANKS :D
