Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Prompt:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My parents have always had high hopes for me. Being the youngest of three, my parents want to see me achieve what my other siblings have achieved. Although I had struggles in my childhood, I have risen above them and become a person my parents can be proud of. The world I come form is one of trials, tribulations and, triumphs. From the stresses of my early childhood to my growing love of academics, my experiences have shaped my dreams and how I intend to achieve them.
I have taken a strange route to get to my ultimate decision on what I want to do for the rest of my life. Growing up, I struggled with the fine balance of tight rope walking the relationship between my mother and my sister, who both struggle with bi-polar disorder. The adversity I faced dealing with their problems allowed my people skills to flourish, I loved making people laugh. But I also learned that people loved food, this I learned from my grandmother, and it was food that made me happy. I would cook all of the time, the creativity and love put into food by my grandmother made me want to pursue culinary arts as a career. For years I dreamed about becoming a professional chef, like my idol Emeril. When I reached high school I was delighted to learn that my school had one of the best culinary arts labs in Southern California, and this further ignited my passion. However, my academic life sparked a new passion as well.
I have always loved reading, small and large books, fantasies and classics, but it wasn't until I entered high school that I began to see what the world of English really had in store. In my sophomore year, I had the pleasure of having a wonderful English teacher. She showed me that the subject had depth and sophistication that only one learned in the subject could master. I loved every second of it, that class became a new home for me, and a spark ignited in a passion that would bring me to the end of my journey. As we learned about everything from the ancient Greeks to the holocaust, I began to see myself becoming an English major. Not until my junior year, in AP English did actually see that as a majorly distinct possibility.
It was in the spring of my junior year when I began struggling with my two dreams, English and Culinary Arts. I began to doubt my passion for culinary arts and began to succumb to my love of the English language. The study of rhetoric in my English class that year had allowed me to fall deeper into the allures of a life studying the language fully. I became enthralled with the fact that we can manipulate people so powerfully with our words, even more interesting was the fact that it happened to everyone on nearly a day-to-day basis. I began to want to learn more and it was this passion for learning that allowed me to realize that I could, in theory, never stop loving to learn about the language I thought I had grasped fully.
My parents gave me choices in almost everything growing-up, with rewards or adverse affects, but despite the outcome it was the choices themselves that helped me to become who I am. My parents equipped me with the ability to choose for myself, based on what I wanted to happen, and who I wanted to be, it is this that truly shaped my dreams.
You take a bit too long to bring that first paragraph to an end. At the end of the first paragraph, you can tell the reader what the essay is really about, so it is good to get to the point early and then support that point.
Oh! And I see that you bring it to a close by talking again at the end about your parents empowering you. So... after you explain that in the first few sentences, give a good thesis statement and end that paragraph. Make the rest of para #1 into para #2.
You write very well!!
