Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
I am no stranger to getting punched in the face. As a ten-year student of the martial arts, it is something that I have had to become accustomed to. I have been practicing Karate since I was eight years old. It started as a cool activity that I wanted to be a part of, so as to emulate the superheroes that I did and still do admire. At this point in my life however, Karate has become a central part of who I am.
There are certain principles that a practitioner of Shotokan Karate must follow. These principles are in place for us to guide our training and lives accordingly, and I try my best to abide by them. Obviously, I am not the perfect person, and I can't follow them religiously, but keeping them in mind and thinking about them through trying times has really helped to keep me on task. For as long as I can remember, one of the traits that people have always used to describe me is "natural leader". I have heard this from teachers since grade school, and I continue to hear it now from my peers & also from my employers. I attribute this leadership skill to my martial arts training. The values that I have learned at Karate have taught me to take charge and make things happen, which I frequently do in all aspects of my life.
Within the past year, I tried my hand at a new martial art. I took up Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. In Jiu-Jitsu, I finally do not have to worry about getting hit in the face. In fact, there is no striking at all. I think that to be successful with anything in life, one has to have the motivation to improve. If one is practicing without a goal in mind, the practicing becomes essentially aimless. Right before I chose to study Jiu-Jitsu, I found myself aimlessly practicing Karate. I had earned my second-degree black belt after six grueling months of training. With college right around the corner and my next belt test not for a few years at least, I realized that I was unmotivated in my Karate training. With no immediately attainable goal before me, I gradually became less interested in Karate. Jiu-Jitsu offered a perfect solution. It was a means for me to continue practicing the martial arts in a completely different way.
Jiu-Jitsu has reignited my passion for training. The experience of jumping into something that was completely unfamiliar to me has been incredible. There is always room for improvement in anything, but at the time I began Jiu-Jitsu. I felt that I was near the peak of my Karate skill. I went from the highest extreme to the lowest one; a sport that I had ten years of experience in to a sport that I had absolutely no experience in. This abrupt transition really kick-started my drive to practice. I essentially reset my mind by starting Jiu-Jitsu. I was truly humbled to work with people who are infinitely better than me. I feel that my transition from Karate to Jiu-Jitsu mirrors the transition from high school to college almost exactly. One goes from being on top of the ladder as a high school senior to being on the bottom rung as a college freshman. Having experienced this already in my martial arts career, I feel ready for this transition in my academic career. I am not only prepared, but also ready for the challenge.
I really like it, although I think you should introduce how it represents the transition earlier in the essay, then tie it back at the end. Reading through it, it seems like it would be better suited for the "story central to your identity" prompt, but then the last couple of sentences tie it back to the transition prompt. Maybe think about how you can talk about the transition earlier.
Also, I think you should rephrase "With no immediately attainable goal before me, I gradually became less interested in Karate", because I'm not sure how admissions officers are going to interpret it. I don't think it really contributes to the message of the essay.
I am no stranger to getting punched in the face.
... Good hook :)
Well, you've got an interesting story to tell, but what is most important here that needs to have the focus is the transition from childhood to adulthood. I think it is not well focused here. Through your martial art experience you need to show them this transition. I feel you need to work on that. Make sure your essay is analyzing your personal growth process, its not about bragging about an accomplishment.
