This is the Common App essay I have made. It describes an event that has changed my life. Please be honest and tear it apart if needed. Thanks!
San José
"Our flight will be landing shortly," a flight attendant announced. I could see lava spewing out of a volcano as the airplane descended above the Costa Rican rainforest. As I surveyed the foreign land, my classmates surrounding me erupted into a cacophony of chatter; they discussed when they were going to post pictures on Facebook. Although I took many snapshots of the picturesque rainforest and beach, it was the people that I met-not the striking landscape-that has left a lasting impression on me.
As we rode through the streets of San Jose on the way to our resort, we passed through impoverished neighborhoods inhabited by stray dogs. The sheet metal houses were meager-a drastic contrast to the homes I am accustomed to seeing in American suburbia. A school that we visited two days into the trip did not have a gymnasium or athletic fields to house their physical education classes. However, in spite of the hardships the Costa Ricans face, their exhilarating spirit is contagious.
The children at a school we visited were filled with exuberance; they seemed to be oblivious about their economic status. I not only received genuine benevolence from the youth, but also the adults I met. Everyone greeted me with a wave and a smile; they were even more pleased when I spoke Spanish. Our tour guide, Enrique, described the people I met perfectly; "We may not have a lot of money like you do in America, but we are a happy people. We don't value materials much. We just love life."
My experience in Costa Rica taught me a quintessential lesson; one's contributions to society-not possessions- make a difference in this world. American culture emphasizes the importance of fame and fortune; the rich and famous have significant clout in this country. The media conveys that in order to make an impact, one must find a way to be seen on a television screen. Before I went to Costa Rica, I bought into this system of ideals; I believed that to make an imprint on this world, I had to have a six-figure salary. But as I traveled, I realized that having an impact on people's lives does not require wealth or fame.
The Costa Ricans I encountered did not have much money. Nevertheless, they looked at life with vivacity. It was then that I had an epiphany; the essence of life is to use one's knowledge, time, and talents to enrich others' lives. My trip to Costa Rica has driven me to use my education, personal attributes, and life experiences to benefit others in the same manner the Costa Ricans have benefited me. From this excursion, I discovered that I want to encourage those whose opinions are ignored and suppressed to continue to voice their concerns. For this reason, I desire to attend an institution of higher learning to receive a quality education that will enhance my skills needed to include more people in local, national, and international discussions.
Be careful when discussing things outside of a small scope. This means that when you talk about the media and American ideals, connect it to you, otherwise it can seem flat and uninspired. This line "For this reason, I desire to attend an institution of higher learning to receive a quality education that will enhance my skills needed to include more people in local, national, and international discussions." is not really needed. These college officers know you want to go to college and it just doesn't really fit with your essay.
Overall good job though, it sounds like you are on the right track!!
It's a fairly good essay, but I think that you need to create a stronger link between your experience at Costa Rica and what you learned from it. In Costa Rica, you met people with "exhilarating spirit" despite the fact that they were economically low-class. The lesson you could take from that is "you don't need money to buy you happiness," but the lesson that YOU learned was "one's contributions to society-not possessions- make a difference in this world." However, you don't talk anything about contributions to society in the beginning part of the essay. The experience and the lesson thus seem unrelated...
Did I explain myself well?
