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*Strength is Success - Texas Essay Prompt C*


Marisamanga 3 / 7  
Oct 5, 2010   #1
Prompt: There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals or which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

It is natural to associate oneself with those who have th e largest amount of similar factors. I have the ability to withhold my first impression judgment on people. When I first meet someone and discern whether I like them or not I take various characteristics of their personality and overall effect on me. The trait I search for often is their amount of moral, physical, and intellectual strength. Their moral strength is determined by how they convey their thoughts and the topic of the conversation. Physical strength, I personally believe, cannot characterize someone accurately, rather it is the way they use their physical strength to attract people to them that I observe. Lastly, their intellectual strength is one of the most important traits of all. The ability to carry on a conversation and keep a good mood is a skill that grows with intelligence. As my mom used to say "Dime con quién andas y te diré quién eres" which means "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are."

Moral strength can be determined in seconds after starting a conversation with an individual. Whether they talk about the news or the weather their tone of voice will convey their true feelings. I believe that to truly have a good amount of moral strength one must speak and act accordingly. For example, speaking in a warm tone and helping others whenever possible is a good display of moral strength. I can recognize those with a substantial amount of moral strength for they take situations differently. When asked for help they are able to aid others and, in doing so, support their strength. That is how one may develop good moral strength. I aid people and strengthen myself in the process. Never is choosing the just and responsible action detrimental. There is always enough time in my life to lend my strength.

When determining a person from afar one might take the other's actions into consideration. If one has the strength then they are obligated to help the weak. That, I believe, is the responsibility of those who have strength. Physical strength can create quite an illusion of true strength. Though, it is the way that strength used which defines it as true or not. My physical strength is often dedicated to those in need. If someone was carrying a heavy burden I would offer my support. Crude strength often beat true strength though in the end Vires holds steadfast.

Intellectual strength is shown in one's ability to speak and create feeling. To keep another's interest is a skill learned by observing how one interacts and adapting so as not to create any unpleasant feelings or awkwardness. I often refrain from making a sound judgment on another till after they have had a chance to express their thoughts. One can easily determine another's intellectual strength by listening and observing.

One can be determined by what he/she does and his/her reason for doing so. I have the ability to decide whether or not to associate myself with those who also share my strength. This is something I want as part of my application process. All my actions, thoughts, and skills are reflected in who I befriend and who I am.

Yes, I basically took my FSU essay and edited out the Vires. But, I still need to know how this flows and if there are any mistakes and if I can improve my essay in any way.

Thx ahead of time~ :D
mea505 - / 265  
Oct 5, 2010   #2
Yes, I basically took my FSU essay and edited out the Vires. But, I still need to know how this flows and if there are any mistakes and if I can improve my essay in any way.
Thx ahead of time~ :D

Hi Marisa!

I thought that I recognized the essay! It does sound like some of the other Vires essays that I read as well. However, you did get your point across rather nicely. I particularly like the Spanish statement that your mother used when you were younger: show me who your friends are and I will show you who you are. That is quite a strong statement, and it is so true!

I did offer you some suggestive corrections with respect to your essay. You might want to take a look at them and incorporate them into a re-write of the essay. Good Luck!

--Mark :)

When I first meet someone and discern whether I like them,or not I take various characteristics of their personality and overall effect on me.

Physical strength, I personally believe, cannot characterize someone accurately,; rather it is the way they use their physical strength to attract people to them that I observe.

Whether they talk about the news or the weather, their tone of voice will convey their true feelings.

When determining a person from afar, one might take the other's actions into consideration.

If someone was carrying a heavy burden, I would offer my support.
OP Marisamanga 3 / 7  
Oct 5, 2010   #3
Thanks a bunch for your critique. I will change my essay~ (for the better, hopefully)
:D


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