Yes, I basically took my FSU essay and edited out the Vires. But, I still need to know how this flows and if there are any mistakes and if I can improve my essay in any way.
Thx ahead of time~ :D
Hi Marisa!
I thought that I recognized the essay! It does sound like some of the other Vires essays that I read as well. However, you did get your point across rather nicely. I particularly like the Spanish statement that your mother used when you were younger: show me who your friends are and I will show you who you are. That is quite a strong statement, and it is so true!
I did offer you some suggestive corrections with respect to your essay. You might want to take a look at them and incorporate them into a re-write of the essay. Good Luck!
--Mark :)
When I first meet someone and discern whether I like them
,or not I take various characteristics of their personality and overall effect on me.
Physical strength, I personally believe, cannot characterize someone accurately
,; rather it is the way they use their physical strength to attract people to them that I observe.
Whether they talk about the news or the weather
, their tone of voice will convey their true feelings.
When determining a person from afar
, one might take the other's actions into consideration.
If someone was carrying a heavy burden
, I would offer my support.