"Strength in Words" - Fsu. My Vires.

Ryan Dallas
FSU Application Essay
9/2/2010

Strength in Words

Vires. Five simple letters, that when combined hold immense power. The word is part of the motto used to guide Florida State University through over a century of change. Although Artes (the intellectual pursuit of the arts) is present in my 8 years of concert training on the tenor saxophone, and Mores (character and tradition) is evident in my daily presence at mass before school, Vires, representing strength of all kinds, is prevalent in all parts of my persona.

Vires is most apparent through my moral and spiritual strength. Through a both a Roman Catholic upbringing and attendance at a Jesuit high school (who's motto is "Men and Women for Others") I have gained a unique set of values focusing a deep commitment to serving the poor, disadvantaged and marginalized citizens in my community. Through my experiences living around, and spending time with the homeless in the city of Akron, Ohio; through the St Benedict Joseph Labre Project (sharing "food and friendship" with our homeless friends on the streets), helping run the Pet Maurin Center at the Catholic Worker Outreach Shelter, or through equine therapy with mentally and physically handicapped persons; I have learned that one's strength cannot be determined through wealth, caste (as in Hindu society), or even physical brawn, but through moral values and integrity. Although nobody is flawless, I strive to maintain an unblemished record of academic integrity and service in my community. I consider these qualities to be indicative of my levels of moral and spiritual strength... My Vires.

HOW DO I CLOSE THIS?????!!!!!!!!

The prompt is : The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

mores means character and custom. you're not coming across as interesting. need to mention your character. something like i am passionate about animals. something like that you need to find or fake in your essay. add like i am geek who add flavour to the college campus.

"unique set of values focusing a deep commitment to serving the poor, disadvantaged and marginalized citizens in my community." in my community?????? you come across as arrogant.

to say your community is superior than any other religion( Hindu) shows you are a fundamentalist who does not respect other people and their faith. please work on the matter first then conclusion. it is according to me a poor show.

don't take it personally....that's my thinking. (by the way you need to read religions more clearly as in history no community is perfect. if Hindus have caste then Christians have raceism.)

This is the essay. Write about these experiences and what you have discovered about your place in life, your purpose.

Do not spend the whole essay listing things that are examples of the qualities. Instead, focus on one or two of the virtues and do not even mention their names more than ones. Don't write "five simple letters," etc... because that does not help. Instead, take one of the virtues as your theme and write about these real experiences.

You are very unique in your particular response to the school you attended and the religion you've learned. Write about YOUR thoughts and YOUR plans for the future.

Remember to start each paragraph with a topics sentence that expresses the idea of the paragraph. So, an essay with 5 paragraphs will have only 3 to 5 ideas... and one main idea, expressed in a thesis sentence at the end of paragraph one.

Do not try to write about all the virtues. Give the reader a memorable experience by expressing your unique ideas, which of course are at the foundation of your education, your career, your life.

Let's see a draft that is really inspired!! Wait a few moments for inspiration to come, and then write with real energy!

:-)

thanks for your input guys. and btw im not hindu, i say my community meaning, literally, my community (hometown). im a born and raised catholic