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"striving to major in a certain area" - UC prompt 1 - i need help


kewlliljethro 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2008   #1
Describe the world you come from for example, your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Personal statement i really need help with. somethign i whipped up at the gym and it seems to cliche--


Throughout my life, there have been many people, mainly family, who have impacted my life in extraordinary ways. Without these people, I would still be an oblivious child who takes everything the world has to offer for granted. I wouldn't say that I am as good as can I can be right now, but with the support of my friends and family, I have fixed many faults in my life. The lifestyle I have led can be said to be the same as many other individuals', where I have bet everything on education and try to get good marks. This lifestyle of mine, greatly influenced by my parents' wishes, really did lead me to where I am now in life, striving to major in a certain area and missing out on many pleasures of teenage life.

For the first 12 years of my life, I lived with my mother, father, and my two brothers. Before this duration of 12 years, I had never really given college a real serious thought, but after helping my brother move out of the house into a college dorm, I then realized that college is the real deal, and not just a simple stage in life. It took me 12 years to recognize the importance of college, but I can also say, with melancholy, that it took me 17 years to realize how much my parents have sacrificed and dedicated their lives to get my brothers and me into college.

My parents lived the typical first generation Asian life, where they worked very hard in North Vietnam. Vietnam didn't have much to offer, so they escaped the communist clutch and escaped to America, looking for the opportunities that America supposedly had. Unfortunately, they met the same fate as many other Asians, and started off from scratch when they reached America. To add on to this misfortune, my parents could not receive college degrees while working at the same time, so living and earning income became an issue.

My parents did not want us children to suffer they same fate as they did, so they dedicated their whole lives to granting us admission into a good college. They gave up almost every pleasure in life, only bought groceries that were on sale, and saved money for our tuitions. I can remember many times, during my childhood, in which my parents stayed up past their sleeping hours, and woke up before the brink of sunrise, to go to work; yet all this hard earned money was hardly used for their own desire.

My parents were especially attentive in my diligence in my studies and most of the time, I abided by their rules. My parents' expectations of me were further raised when my two older brothers got accepted into high-end colleges (Pomona Claremont and UCSD). Feeling the pressure, I, too, struggled to get high marks in school and worked myself hard mentally as my parents did physically.

These were the parents I grew up with, and they helped me learn about many critical aspects of life that I couldn't have learned in the world alone. One essential lesson is that everything in life has to be worked for, and that good results do not just come by. Nothing is free. The process might be painful, and tears will be shed along the way, but the end results will show that those tears were not in vain. My parents also taught me that success is based, along with hard work, on a good education and good luck.

At first, I was working hard in school to fulfill the wishes of my parents of having their children going to college, but now I have changed. I am now ready to become somebody, not just the usual Asian kid. I'm not only going to college for my parents' sake, but for my own sake and success.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 21, 2008   #2
Good afternoon :)

First, a mechanical suggestion: avoid contractions in formal academic writing; for instance, "wouldn't" should be "would not."

So, how have your parents and this transformation shaped your dreams and aspirations? What will you do during your college years and after?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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