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"a strong Greek system" - Transfer common app essay - emory


asdfg123 1 / -  
Jan 13, 2010   #1
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

I've always had a vague idea of what I wanted my college experience to include. Last year while I was searching for the right school for me, I found it very hard to decipher the information being thrown at me because I was not sure what it really meant or how much it mattered. I did not know whether prominent Greek life would be important to me, whether the size of the classes would affect me, or whether I would even notice a difference between 10,000 or 20,000 students on campus. After spending a semester as a college student, I have grown and have a much better understanding of what I want out of my college experience and what direction I would like my life to go.

One of the things that I have come to realize is very important to me is a strong Greek system. While I have an opportunity to become a sorority sister at Miami, the system is so insignificant that I have chosen to hold off on my participation. It is such a great opportunity to meet tons of girls similar to myself that I feel like I would be silly not to participate; however, I would prefer to get involved on a campus where the system is more embraced. One of the most important aspects of Greek life to me is the chance to participate in structured philanthropy. I have been involved in various community service groups on campus; however, I think that working for one cause with a specific group will allow me to make a greater impact.

Another thing I was unsure about while searching for a school was my intended major. Although various peers persuaded me that business was a smart choice, I was not sure what "business" exactly entailed. As a result of my wavering interest in the subject, I did not rank good business programs as an important criterion while searching. After taking several business courses, it has become blatantly obvious to me that marketing is my calling. I cannot regret not shopping around for the best marketing programs during my initial search; however, now that I have come to realize what it is that I would really like to pursue, I would love to have the opportunity to attend a school with a top tier business program.

Overall, What I am really looking for out of college is lifelong friendships and a great education and I am desperately seeking a place where I can find it all. I live with no regrets and I believe that spending the year in Miami has helped me grow into a much more cultured and mature being; however, I see room for improvement in my life and am taking steps to fill the voids I feel exist in my curent college experience.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 15, 2010   #2
This sentence is excellent at its root, but it is too wordy and needs to be trimmed:
After spending a semester as a college student, I have grown and have a much better understanding of what I want out of my college experience and what the direction I would like my life to go.

How about that?

Now, after reading the rest of the essay I think one more sentence should be added to the end of that first para, because the first para should introduce the main ideas of the essay. Right now all it does is raise a question. How about adding a sentence that names the important factors you will discuss: the Greek system, the major you choose, etc.

Don't capitalize what here:
Overall, what I am really looking for out ...

:-)
pharmd9 2 / 8  
Jan 15, 2010   #3
One of the things that I have come to realize is very important to me is a strong Greek system.

Maybe you should change it to...I have realized that participating in a strong Greek community is important for me to attain my goals.

Also you use the word "opportunity" twice within two sentences of each other.


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