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'Strong Mechanical Engineer' - Personal Statement 250 words min. Why Transfer?


jemma2011 4 / 19  
Sep 8, 2009   #1
Personal Essay This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself. Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve, and attach it to your application before submission.

Ain't no mountain high enough
^This is a tentative title. Suggestions are welcomed =)

"Maria Lopez" called the graduation speaker, and as my mom went to accept her bachelors diploma, all I could do was beam with pride. You see, my mom became a Mechanical Engineer at the ripe age of 46 years old. She studied for seven years to get that diploma. She faced all odds. She was the owner of her own machine shop, studied at night and took care of me, her youngest daughter. When things seemed impossible, she pushed on further. If people would tell her she would fail, she brush them off and never lost hope. My mom has always been my greatest source of inspiration and she gave me more than food and shelter. She gave me strength, and showed me that with patience and perseverance I could conquer anything; and as I faced my own challenges, her example kept me going. Now, I follow on her footsteps and although the world says I cannot do it, I say I can.

Many people confuse my determination for stubbornness. The truth is my determination has always been one of my strongest qualities. My aspirations may sometimes seem almost impossible, but I will always find a way. If one approach does not work, I will find another but I will never give up. I learned through life that conformity and contentment does not benefit you at all. It keeps you static, unable to move, to explore, to grow. My current university is a good academic institution but it is not the best for me. My department is not as developed as I want it to be and my resources are very limited. I feel that my classes are not demanding enough, and I do not feel part of the student community. My major is Political Science and want to continue my studies into Law School. Therefore, I need to study at a place that would prepare me for the difficult path of becoming a lawyer. Although, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to go to college, I feel that there is more out there for me.

Accordingly, I am looking for a university that will challenge me beyond my limits. I want to study at a university that will give me the best tools for my future. I want to go to a place that learning does not stop at the classroom but it continues beyond its walls. I believe Cornell not only provides the academic strength I look for but it also provides a student body as passionate as me. I would love to have conversations that goes far beyond modern music and the currents trends, and delves into topics like philosophy, politics and culture. I admire how Cornell University is a place where diversity is celebrated not marginalize. Above all, Cornell gives you options. I love to read and learn and I do not want to confine myself to just one study field; I want to explore many.

Conversely, my current university does not have options. Ever since I attended the International Youth Leadership Conference, I developed a fascination for international relations and all its related topics. At the College of Art and Sciences, I have the opportunity to pursue an International Relation minor, which I assure you I will do. Aside from the world-renowned professors and the diverse activities at the university, Cornell also has programs like Cornell in Washington and Cornell Abroad. While I do want to study at a foreign country at some moment in my student career, my major interest is the Cornell in Washington Program. My ultimate goal in life is to become a congressional representative and participating in such a program is more than just a desire but a dream.

Overall, Cornell University is not just my ideal university but I am your ideal student. I am passionate, willing and eager to learn and research. I want to use every opportunity you give me, and maximize it to its greatest potential. I am not afraid of what might come. I am not afraid of obstacles or difficulties. As I said before one of my greatest qualities is my determination. I will work, push, and do what I have to do to climb my way to the top. As Thomas Paine once said, "The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection."

Note: I had a frnd who reviewed it for me. This were her suggestions:

-To write more about my mom and what an immense impact that was and organize my ideas on how to talk about me being like her.

-Eliminate trashing my university.

-To stick with one tiny element

-Is too repetitive.

I would appreciate any advice you can give me. I also feel that the conclusion is not strong enough.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 8, 2009   #2
I would dispense with the vague platitudes about what you want from a university and focus on the narrow questions of what programs or courses Cornell offers that simply are not available at your current school. This is not a matter of trashing your current school as recognizing, simply, that there is not a good match between what you want and what is on offer.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 8, 2009   #3
My current university is a good academic institution but it is not the best for me.

I'd start here, and cut the paragraph about your mother entirely. I certainly wouldn't expand on it. If you have a "person who influenced you" topic, you can write about your mother in a separate essay, but her accomplishments don't seem to have any bearing on why you want to transfer, which is the topic of this essay.


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