I am 68 words over and I still need to make it a little more personal. These are all of the reasons that I want to include, but I'm not sure it flows too well. What do you think?
Why are you interested in Kenyon?
Is this too superficial an answer? Should I speak purely about academics?
When my parents came home from a student-teacher conference with my sophomore English teacher/advisor, I never expected to hear about Kenyon College. However, after receiving such a strong recommendation from someone who had come to know me so well and who was my favorite teacher, I officially began research of Kenyon. After the Ohio Six College Tour, I found that what I learned online was only strengthened/brought to life by my visit. Even in the scorching August heat, Kenyon was everything that I expected and more, aside from the beautiful fall foliage.
I had always assumed that my English teach recommended Kenyon to be because of its English department. While I love English, I have never been sure that I would want to necessarily major in it. However, in the information session I learned about how Kenyon incorporates the use of strong writing into every class. One student even told us how he wrote essays in his calculus class.
Another student I met left an even stronger opinion of Kenyon in my mind. Not only were Kenyon's facilities fantastic, but the students' love for all of Kenyon was equally impressive. After taking us all over campus, my tour guide offered to take time out of his day to show me all the KAC. My tour guide clearly loved Kenyon, and the extra hour he took out of his day to show me the campus exemplified that. My guide showed me an incredibly small campus, one block long, in fact. I want a place where I can truly reach out to my peers. Stuck up on a hill, there is nothing to distract you from learning about and from each other. Upon the dorm tour, I learned that students are so trusting that they don't even lock their doors.
It was this close community that I am so glad I got to experience first hand. Even the professors know you personally because of the small class sizes. The fact that these professors are some of the smartest, most engaged ones around is even better. Each teacher is truly interested in his or her class. At Kenyon, you can get a great education without having it forced down your throat.
Before going to the grammar, I think one thing I am gonna recommend is to focus a bit about yourself. You have done a wonderful job in describing the campus tour, but you did not mention why English writing class is important to you? I suggest you could say something about how much you enjoy writing during high school or how much you dream is related to writing.
And also, why small campus important to you? I think everyone would love small campus, but to you personally, why?perhaps your high school class size is too big so you were not able to get enough help from the teacher? I mean, try to relate to your experience a bit, if possible.
I know making suggestion is easy, while editting is tough. I am struggling with mine too. so just relax and cheer up!! We can do it!!
, I found that what I learned online was only strengthened/brought(choose one)or just say, "what i had learned online was brought to life from my visit" to life by my visit.
Even in the scorching August heat, Kenyon was everything that I expected and more, aside from the beautiful fall foliage. <--- this is a little confusing to me. I may not understand. is it the summer or fall...?
Just for your own reference, it may help to make a list of your reasons why you are interested in Kenyon and then have evidence to back up your reasons. show, don't tell. :)
Like:
the environment there
its emphasis on writing
the people
It'll help you get more organized and your points more clear.
